December Already

No-vember has been so hard for me this year, especially in mental concerns. I know many people would think John is pushing me too far and is acting too violent on me, but I like it that way. It’s just that sometimes I feel vulnerable and sensitive, and the more denied I am, the more I come into contact with feelings I usually wank away. Since I’m Ginny more often, I’m more in contact with that sensitive side of me, and that’s challenging sometimes.

Now we’re into December and I can’t believe how quickly 2016 will be over. For me, it’s been a good year, though I could not accomplish all I had wanted to. John had told me I had earned me a denied December and I was really mad about that. Yesterday evening it turned out that he had just wanted to increase my frustration and that I’m not to endure another month of chastity. I’m very happy about that😀

Leo will be visiting us from tomorrow until Tuesday and I’m really looking forward to seeing him again🙂 Unfortunately we won´t be able to spend Christmas together this year, but we’ll meet again in January. We have decided to spend a week in Switzerland, combining seeing Leo with some ski holidays for my sporty husband. Also, we have talked about another trip together in March or April, but that’s not decided yet, because John will be away quite often during spring, as well professional as for a golf vacation in New Zealand. In June, John and I will go on a vacation together, perhaps just to the Netherlands or so, and in autumn we might finally fly to Thailand. I’m excited about that, because to be honest, I somehow think about consulting a doctor there and try to get as many information as possible about having boob surgery there. But only if my wish to have boobs still exists then, of course. Well, until now it’s unbroken, really.

For December, John gave me two different advent calendars. One with plain chocolate, the other with kinky tasks, and I love that so much! I’m just a bit sad that he didn’t want one either, but I hope he likes what I make out of his tasks🙂

Denied December

My weekend was demanding. Saturday, John brought home someone he regularly fucks with and made me watch them having sex in our marriage bed. I was not allowed to touch myself or take part in any way, I was just there to watch my Master getting satisfied by someone else. That sweet pain… When they were finished, they ordered something to eat and some drinks, then they did it again, this time in the tub, with me watching again, desperate and horny like hell. I swear, my clit just hurt from watching and twitching. Later, they did it in our bed again, and eventually Master uttered how satisfied he was but that it wasn’t my merit. Well, then they decided the other would stay over night, right where he was, while I could choose between the floor or the sofa downstairs…I chose the sofa and cried myself to sleep. I hurt so bad and so wonderful and I was so horny, I almost wanted to rip my heart out.

Sunday morning, they made sure they did it again right before my eyes, and they kept kissing and flirting until the other had to go. When the door shut behind him, Master came to me, looked at me and said “you know, De-cember could be denied-December…”. Well, and that was just too much for me, I completely fell out of my role and had a good old breakdown. Ugh. I just could no longer take it. And there it proved again what a kind, loving Dom I have. He hugged and kissed me, was there for me, just held me close, until I had finally stopped crying. He let his hand wander down to my clit, stroked it very gently, until I could feel it wanting to grow. He kept rubbing me gently, whispering cute and awful things to me, pinched my tits for the very first time in weeks…and I just squirted a full load. For the first time ever I managed to really cum while still in the Birdlock.

John was bemused, examined my spunk all over me and the floor, then clicked his tongue. “If it wasn’t No-vember, I’d have to say that you were a fine young lady…but you know how it is…what you were told, right?”. Right, no cumming in No-vember, Sir. “Right, Missy. You just earned you a denied December. Now get that cleaned up. I’m very disappointed.”

Then he left for his office and didn’t talk to me until the evening. I then told him how sorry I was and that I was surprised by that outburst as well. I think he believed me, but nonetheless he won’t accept me disrespecting his orders. And that again made my clit twitch…

Play With My Ball

I love how much effort Master puts into dis-satisfying and surprising me🙂

Yesterday when he came home, he said he had read my post, and decided to buy something for me to play with. Of course I hoped it would be something nice LOL He reached into his bag and showed me a plastic ball. Itˋs about the size of a grapefruit and pink. For gurls.

He told me that evertime I think of masturbation or sex, I feel horny or want to beg him to fuck me, he supposes me to take that ball into my hands. I am to touch it with every part of my hands and fingers thoughtfully. Then I have to stay like that for 5 minutes. Just a little timeout to think it over and calm down.

When he saw what that ball meant to me (degradation of course, and probably an even increased wish to be allowed to have sex), he just grinned and told me, my first 5 minutes begin right away.

To be honest, I have lost count of how often I had that ball inside of my hands since yesterday. A lot of times, thatˋs for sure. The problem is that I am so much into that discipline-aspect of BDSM and get wet as soon as I just think of the ball. Maybe I can just get it again after sending this. John just added: “now you get to play with one ball at least”. Uhm, yes, Sir.

Outdoor Degradation

No-vember, still, and Iˋm still horny like fuck. About a week ago, John handed me a list of tasks to “distract” me from my need to get fucked, my urge to cum. Iˋve been a good housewife since and his house is spic and span, while my balls are violet. Sometimes I get into a state of mind where I think I can make it, then again Iˋm just frustrated and sort of aggressive. Of course being aggressive doesnˋt pay. John mocks or punishes me for being rude, which both makes me even more horny, and that doesnˋt help at all.

The past weekend, we went hiking. It was quite clammy and damp, but I was able to get my mind clear. Until my sweet husband told me to undress, right there where we were, in the middle of a forest. Even if I feel like laughing then, I always know he is serious. He watched me as I put down layer after layer, finally standing there just with a bra, a panty and the Birdlock. He took some photos, then told me to completely undress. It was really uncomfortable and cold with my feet getting dirty and cold as ice. Well, then he just left me standing there, freezing and hurting, yet horny from getting observed. He made remarks about my pathetic clit which seemed to shrink even more in the cold. He knows these body punishments remind me of what my father did, and he really likes that sort of edging me mentally. Well, I do, too. It may have been 5 to 7 minutes until he allowed me to dress again, but he had archieved what he had intented: I felt used and sore though he didnˋt even touch me. Ugh.

In the car, he put up the heater, and after we returned home, he had me taking a long bath. By the way, I just remember a porn I saw recently with a dom in it who said to his whore that aftercare is nothing granted. I think thatˋs right. Aftercare is a special treat, nothing a sub could hope to get regularly. To be honest, it would confuse my sub-feelings if John treated me after every session or service. When we play Daddy-son-stuff, I always need and get aftercare, but in every other case aftercare is just an option he can choose or not. And to me, aftercare is much more than just cuddling or putting lotion on a red arse (which is stupid, anyhow). Telling me to take a bath after being in the cold is as well aftercare as giving me tasks or slapping my face.

In the evening, he went to see one of his buddies, while I was to deepclean the kitchen. He told me later he had shown him the pics he had taken of me, standing there pathetic and sad in the woods like an abandoned trash bag, and they had a good laugh about me. And thatˋs quite how my life is at the moment. Iˋm not getting any sexual stimulation, Iˋm not allowed to suck or wank him, Iˋm just kept chaste and horny, pending between aggression and depression. Even if November is Johnˋs birth-month, I donˋt really feel for it😦

That Cable Guy

Pun intended🙂

Before Master left this evening, he gave me a good spanking with a cable. So painful. Nothing cuts like cable, right?

While he’s away, I’m trying to concentrate on my chores, but honestly, I am horny and watching porn while working through the papers.

I just wish for him to come home, bend me over and fuck me. Pleeeeaaaseeee…..

Just 4 Days In

I can’t believe it’s just 4 days into No-vember, really. Though I spent some time in chastity this year, I was more or less able to get relief quite often, and as I fail in relaxing even though I’m doing sports and practise Yoga, wanking really helps along. Worst of all, No-vember again means that I’m denied all the way: neither do I get to suck John off nor do I get fucked. But that of course doesn’t indicate my loveing husband is kept from his pleasure. He always finds someone willing to pleasure him, and if in doubt he enjoys showing me what I don’t get. Ugh.

Moreover, during this month I’m not allowed to touch my nipples, apart from when I’m taking a shower. They’ve grown so sensitive that I could cum if I stimulated them. I’m a bit concerned about how they will feel after a month without stimulation, and I fear I won’t be able to cum by nip play alone afterwards, but John just said that then I’d have to start from the beginning again.

Tomorrow evening Love will be attending a gay club, while I’ll be staying at home to do some long neglected paperwork and clean out our wardrobe. He likes me occupied with boring stuff while he’s having fun, occasional pictures of him fucking someone else included.

Whenever I’ve not been kept chaste on a regular base or for a long time, I wonder how on earth I am supposed to deal with the frustration that starts building up as soon as the lock on the cage is closed. I spent an awful lot of time with thinking about sex, wanking and having sex usually and having all that spare time when locked in makes me insecure. I tend to think I should use that time as good as I can, which often leads to exhaustion because I forget about the breaks inbetween tasks and sports. I guess being denied is about finding other canals for your energy, but that’s really hard.

On the other hand, No-vember is such a nice opportunity to humble myself again and show John how much I love him. I know he totally likes that control over me and having me suffer from my sex drive that I can’t live out. I know Love would be correcting me now…it’s not my sex drive, it’s his, and he decides what to do with it😉