Sir, you demanded from me to write about lust, chastity and hopelessness, so this entry is dedicated to you.
It has been more than two weeks now since I have been locked up into my Birdlock, besides short moments to take care for myself, to wash, shave and cream my skin. More than two weeks without a touch, without climaxing, but not even a single day without being teased by words, kisses and blows. What might sound thrilling to submissive people who have never been in chastity, is in fact hard work on both mental and physical levels. After about three or four days of being locked up, lust begins to crawl through the entire system. The Birdlock is quite unremarkable from the outside, but I can feel it in every single second, and so after some days of wearing it, it is always on my mind. I begin to question myself about the point of time my Master will release me and allow me to come. It ist very demanding for me to satisfy John without even a chance to be satisfied as well.
The permanent arousal, which of course only takes place mentally, makes me weary and lacking in concentration. My thoughts orbit around having sex. The true agony of being locked up ist that normally I would not think so much of climaxing and having sex. The Birdlock, which is supposed to keep me chaste, does the very reverse. It keeps me in a state of permanent arousal, increased by the hopelessness of my lust, as I know that it is not me to decide when I will climax again. It needs about three to five weeks of chastity to break my permanent arousal and my permanent thoughts about being fucked. When I reach this state of acceptance, I am the most thankful, most obedient bottom ever and my will to take pain and punishment peaks. In this state of mind, I take anything.
When talking about hopelessness and lust I think about ruined orgasms as well. During a ruined orgasm one is being stimulated shortly before climaxing, just to be cooled down again without being allowed to actually come. If the Dom know his sub well, he can make him squirt off without an orgasm (“milking”), which I find both very humiliating and lustful. Milking can ease the body but surely neither the mind nor the horniness. It is a way to let to sub know who is in charge. And although I always know it is only milking, each and every time I hope for more.
I believe a sub who experiences the full power of his Master is in need of understanding, care and love. Being held in chastity and being permanently confronted with unfulfilled lust, is very demanding and sometimes very hard to take. I think in those times of agony and hopelessness John and I get very close to each other. Thank you, Sir.