After All

My Love’s sitting next to me, reading the newspapers, while I’m writing this. It’s John’s birthday and we have taken all the time in the world to get up and have breakfast. Tonight we will meet with some friends of John’s for dinner. Today, I feel calm and peaceful and can’t retrace the mental distress I was in during the last days emotionally, although I know what brought me there.

Yesterday evening, after the birthday cake was done, I crawled up inside John’s arms. I did no longer want to talk over what happened during the Yoga lesson or about my feelings concerning the term “Dad”. We watched the news and John began stroking my face and kissing me. It didn’t take long until I was aroused, which quite surprised me as I felt so poor not long before. But John went on very slowly and very platonic 🙂 “You’re not getting hard, do you? Uh, forgotten. You can’t, right?”. Uhm, right, Love. “Such a pity.” Tell me about it. “How long?” This means: for how long didn’t I let you have an orgasm? And John knew perfectly well how long. Yesterday it’s been 59 days of being birdcaged. “Don’t you think, 100 is a beautiful round number?” Heck, no masochist knows what to tell if his Master states something like this. If you agree, it might well be that you will be kept in chastity for 40 days longer, if you disagree your Master may decide you’re not humble enough and keep you locked anyway. So I decided to just utter something slurred which made John laugh. And then…nothing. We just sat there and all the excitement slowly vanished. This is probably the most frustrating moment, to convince yourself there’s really not going to be more although you’re aroused and would love to go further.

“Tell me about the porn you watched today. What did you like best?” Hu? I tried to remember the pictures I strolled through yesterday. Men in suits, well-dressed gentlemen. I can’t help men in suits, I find them sexy with their natural aura of dominance. And of course they remind me of John and how I like to carefully undress him. Or how I adore if he doesn’t undress at all while I am all naked. How I love the way he puts on his studs and fixes his tie. So I told him about pictures I have seen on If you’d ask me I’d like these pics even better if more guys were fully dressed. John smiled and looked down on him. He still wore the trousers he had put on for work, his button-down-shirt and a tie. “Get on your knees, son. There’s work to do.”

As I came on my knees in front of him, I tried not to let show that this one word made me tremble inside. Son. Oh sure, that was not accidental, but I tried not to focus on it (and failed). While I was doing the blowjob, John relaxed, but my thoughts were stirred up. To try not to think is really hard for me. I’m not good at letting go. But on some point I was able to concentrate on John’s pleasure. “You always look like you really savour my body.” Well, I do. We ended up on the bed with John reserved as ever while he made me beg him for a fuck. His voice is my guide and by just switching his tone, I know what he wants me to do. I really like begging him to fuck me. But I was surprised when he suggested he might unlock me. “Watch the time, son, it’s past midnight.” I smiled. “So you want me to sing?” “While I fuck you, yeah. But don’t dare singing off-key, then we’ll go to bed immediately”. Did I mention I can’t sing? I tried my best performing a kind of panting version of “Happy Birthday” with my thoughts meandering about the 2nd time he used that word. But John was pleased. He kept fucking me until I thought he had forgotten about unlocking me, but of course he had not. He lay down next to me and took out the key to my Birdlock he is wearing on a chain around his neck, usually hidden underneath his clothes.

He played around with the lock, pretended the key did not match and stated that he felt a bit tired and that it was his birthday and he can do whatever he likes. I did not reply that he always can do what he likes 🙂 Finally, he took off the Birdlock and examined my growing cock. “You’re getting hard without permission, don’t you?” I did. He made me lay down over his knees and gave me a hard spaking by hand, stroking and caresssing me between the hits. That did not help, particularly because he bend my cock to the behind between my legs and started to touch it very softly, while every now and then he hit me hard. It’s not just the strikes or the position I am in or the words he says with his calm voice. It’s the mixture that makes me horny as hell. And as I laid there, he carefully brought me to the verge, just touching my cock with his fingertips and stroking the shaft. “Do you want to cum?” Sure, yes! “Really? Then do me a favour. Call me Dad”. CRASH! I just wanted to get up. My arousal faded. I said, I could not. “Do it.” I can’t. “Do it. It is my birthday.” I can’t. He intensified the hits and began stroking my cock again. “Obey. Call me Dad!” I still could not, but my arousal increased again. He took off his tie and wrapped it around my neck, then slowly drew it together. I really like breath control games because I feel so committed then. “You will obey.” When he said so, I had no doubt that he would make me obey at least. “I begged you not to make me do so just because you can”, I argued. “I make you do because you want to.” CRASH again!

John has the ability to put all the chattering that goes on in my mind in a nutshell. I kept silent for a moment, while he tenderly rubbed my cock and let me take a breath. He was right, I thought. If I did not want to call him Dad, it had not been that much in my mind all the time. It had not affected me the way it actually did. And had I not called him Dad before inwardly? One thing I adore about our SM-relationship is that he can make me do things I dreamed of or ever wanted but never dared to do. It was the same with watching him having sex with another guy and with many other things. And one thing I knew for sure: if I refused to call him Dad, he might never try it again. But what to say? I decided to utter something simple. Something I could not fail in.

“Please fuck me, Dad.” It was strange and confusing, but I felt great relief. The world had not stopped turning, there were no memories crashing down on me. Just John and me and a deep feeling of love and trust. “Good boy. I knew you could do it. I’ll reward your courage.” And he did. We looked in each other’s eyes while having sex and finally I had my first orgasm in 60 days. It was awesome.

Later as we lay in the dark, I had to talk about it, but John was tired. He pulled me a bit closer and gently whispered into my ear: “I am your Dad, not your father, son. It does not matter what others think about that or about us. I just love you”. So do I.

Thank you, John. Once again. I feel freed.


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