Refocussing

This weekend ended up with a new task for me which will take two hours daily. Probably the best way to calm a sub’s mind and help him refocus on good behaviour and humility. Now I know it’s not only Yoga which triggers but cornflakes, too LOL

So, what about the cornflakes? Of course I ate them. Apart from two bananas and a serving of canned tomato soup they have been my only food on this weekend to help me think my behaviour and words over and to come to terms with them, as Master says. Because usually I never eat sweets for a meal and because sugar does not agree with me, I have developed a constant heartburn (not so bad at all, but annoying anyway), and John has expressed his hope that this punishment might help getting over my stubbornness. Sigh. Dead sure I’m looking forward the pasta I will serve for dinner tonight LOL

I spent the major part of this weekend talking to John about my childhood, my father and my feelings towards that Dad-son-thing. We were able to work out that a part of me (probably that which my therapist calls my” inner child”) would love to dive deeper into that thing, but that another part of me (the adult part, I guess) fears what might happen and declines to accept the feelings my “inner child” has. All in all I’m in constant trouble with these contradictive feelings. John suggested we might create a safe spot in our everyday life which may be entered by some sort of password or gesture. Just like a border: if I pass, I know there exist other rules, and I am allowed to let myself go. Now, that sounded good to me, but I was wondering what might happen behind that border? And am I able to stricty part my life with this Dad-son-thing from my “normal” life? I have not been able to part my life as a sub from my normal life…

There are things I connect with being a son-sub of a Dad-Dom that aim so deep that I shake inside when I only think of them. I know there are many gays who call their mature lovers Dad. Is it immoral to do whatever you and your lover like to, if you’re both of full age and you’re doing it SSC? Considered logically, I’d say no. I’d say fuck all doubts, just give in and enjoy yourself.

LOL Here you are, Precious. I knew you were right but I had to figure it out by myself. Ok, I’ll have to stop that chattering now and get my task done, don’t I?

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