Finally, my Love is back home. I’m so glad! Although my friends helped me through that time and slept here with me or let me sleep at theirs, I’m happy I can crawl up in John’s arms tonight. I really missed him badly. The first thing we did when he returned home was was taking a long, warm shower together. Well, it was the first time since last sunday I had the Birdlock off and it was quite intense to feel water and towel directly on my skin, but John still did not allow more than that. After washing, shaving and creaming he locked me in again, ugh! He said, he needed some relief but instead of allowing me to suck him off, he just made me watch him masturbate. That gave me a hard time, really, as I just love to touch and taste him, and one week without him made me feel needy. He’s got excellent driving-that-sub-mad-skills LOL
Afterwards we had lunch and I prepared some tea. John said, he suffered from jetlag and took a nap, while I just sat next to him and could not keep my eyes off him. This week, I had some intense dreams, and I guess some of them were connected to him. In one dream, I had a mature lover (I mean, about 30 years or so older than me) who had problems finding a job. I perched on his lap and kissed him (and thought how good he smelled, somewhat manly) and said “don’t be in doubt about me”. I felt how he was relieved and thought nothing did matter if i could just be with him. Then the dream changed. He and someone else were digging holes in the wintery garden. I know these holes were supposed to be our graves one day, and I thought it was awesome to know I’d be lying next to him for eternity. It did not scare me at all, even when they found two sculls. Well, I am not afraid to die, I’m just scared of being alone in that moment. But this of course might turn out the other way if it comes to that. I don’t know. What really moves me is the fact that I can’t imagine my life without John anymore. I did not know I would be able to love someone that much.
So now, my Love’s still sleeping. This evening I will cook one of his favourite meals. What else? I don’t care. I don’t even mind if we’ll have sex or not. I’m just glad to have him near.