John, some friends and I had recently a conversation about Christmas and the Holidays and I have noticed that this time of the year is not easy to cope with for everybody. My own reception of Christmas is connected with mixed feelings. In my childhood, Christmas just meant two things: my father spent more time at home which provided him with more opportunities to “take care” of me, and I have been taught lessons about my brother’s value in comparison to my own value. It was not only the gifts, but also the things our father said. He was eager to hear about how school went for my brother and took advantage of every situation to make it clear that he was the smart, good-looking and well-behaved boy he wanted as a son. Not me. This made me wonder why on earth he sired me, but ok, probably that was connected to his desires as my brother turned out to be the brown-haired guy and the stronger one of us. It’s weird, but still I am convinced that my father decided to abuse me because I am blonde and not so sporty and strong. Mundane, weird, fucked, but that’s it.

I do not believe in Jesus Christ and I do not celebrate his birthday on Christmas. W and some others celebrate the return of the sun (Wintersolstice), but I have never done that before and I am not sure whether I shall accept the invitation or not. I had a hard time finding a way to cope with the Holidays anyway because they reminded me of so many nasty things, but today I just take them as an opportunity to be together with John, my brother and his wife and some friends of mine. John and my brother are what I call well-situated men and both of them really do not need anything as a present from me, because they have more money that I have and can buy whatever they like. So in the past years it turned out that I am the one to bring the veggies and fruits from work intead of making other gifts. My sister-in-law just asked me not to bring what she called “the remains” as I tend to save from the litter what I can LOL Well, and I have a pretty little something for my Love, but that’s it. I like this time of the year when John spends more time at home with me and I don’t care about what other people buy or do for Christmas. I just enjoy having my Love near.

Uhm, and I guess I’ll add on cling film 🙂


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