Happy new year to everybody 🙂 Hope you enjoyed yourself on New Year’s Eve! John and I refused several invitations to parties and stayed at home.
Yesterday morning John asked me whether I’d like the markers he gave to me on Christmas and I said winking: “Oh yes, but I would have liked a ring as well”. I will never learn to keep my big mouth shut, I guess, because John has told me before not to be pushing in terms of wanting him to ask me to marry him, and he said that he won’t accept it if I’d ask him. He wants me to wait until he decides whether he wants to ask me or not. We had a lot of conversation about this topic before and I always feared that he did not ask me because he was not sure whether or not he’d like to spend his life with me.
But yesterday John reacted differently. “Yeah? You desire a ring from me?” My heart was like speeding up. “Yeah, I really do”. He smiled and said “wait, I got something for you”. Oh my, oh my, oh my! When John showed up again, he had brought a signet ring, an awful thing he inherited from his father. Uhm, ok. “Open your mouth.” Hu? I did and he put it into my mouth. “You’ll keep it there for me until this evening. You’re not to take it out when drinking, eating or talking. Be careful not to swallow it down, it means a lot to me”.
I can tell you, that ring tasted awful and it is angled which got on my nerves pretty soon. I kept it in my cheek until it hurt, then changed to the other cheek, later changed to the middle. It was not easy to drink and eat and talking turned out to be most complicated because I had to mumble around that ring. But Master obviously enjoyed to annoy me by uttering that he could not understand me properly and by pointing out that I dribbled a bit. Sigh. As the day passed very slowly, my jaw started to hurt, but that was nothing Master was worried about. “Sure it hurts” was all he said about it. Yeah, sure, but not only physically. I was on the verge of tears and felt a bit heartbroken. That’s what comes into his mind when I say I’d like a ring from him? And why is he so reluctant to do the next step? We have not been living together for so long now, but our everyday life turns out very well and we get along very well, even if we have different opinions about things. Finally, I had to cry a bit while preparing dinner and I could not hide away my tears from John. He kissed them away and murmured “it’s ok, son”. Ugh, not at all, but I’ll be alright.
After dinner we had tea and played chess, but I lacked concentration, so John decided to give me a spanking to help me refocus. It helped a bit and our 2nd game turned out better. My mouth and jaw were very sensitive at that point of time and I asked Master whether I could remove the ring. “Does that mean you will want to get rid off a wedding ring as well if things turn out to be uncomfortable and difficult?” “You know I would not.” “How do I know?” That question really caught me with my pants down. “Have there been any incidents that left you doubtful about my loyalty?” I won’t repeat anything he said to me but some things I was wondering about for a good while know turned out to be even worse. I was able to figure out why he as so reluctant about living together and getting married. I’m so glad I was.
Later, we very tenderly had sex with that ring still in my mouth (blowjobs turn out to be pretty annoying this way), and when John released me from the handcuffs I just snuggled up inside his arms and we lay there without talking until it was almost midnight. I tried not to fall asleep because I feared I then would perhaps swallow the ring down, but I was very relaxed and felt at ease. I thought, it might hurt forever not to be his husband, but as long as I’m allowed to be with him, I probably will find a way to cope with that. I can’t display the depth of my feeling for him on a scale so that he might feel more secure about me, but I have the chance to prove my love to him on every single day we spend together.
Ten minutes before midnight John said he’d get the sparkling wine (it’s non-alcoholic) and I should stay in bed. We do not light up fireworks and staying in bed seemed perfectly right to me, like the best way to begin a new year. I heard him in the kitchen, then in his workroom, then he returned to me. Three minutes to midnight. He opened the bottle and poured the sparkling-wine into the glasses, then lay next to me again and kissed me very long. “Give me that ring”. I was glad to get rid off it. He kissed me again. “See, I had some hang-ups about how to propose marriage, including a suit, some roses and Christmas Eve”. Yeah, I know. He had told me before about that and I found that very sweet, which might explain why it hurt the way it did when last Christmas just went by without him asking me to marry him. “I had hang-ups concerning a lot of things. I had given up hope to find someone I’d like to be with for the rest of my life”. I know, he had said that so often before. He had said he estimated himself to be too old for finding a partner. Or too busy. Or too dominant. “And altough you seem to think I’m not an axious person, I am.” Well, I am, too. The silence grew longer and we could hear the church bells ring and the fireworks outside. He took hold of my hand and with trembling voice asked what I wanted to hear for so long now. “Will you marry me?”
We had missed midnight, we were naked, there were no roses, but it was perfect. And now, there’s this ring on my finger and on his as well. Of course John knew my actual ring-size perfectly right.
Later he said to me that he bought those rings when he was in Britan during summer because he had wanted to ask me to marry him on my birthday, but he decided not to do so because he was anxious and because he thought we should try living together. And later he refused to do so because he feared I might want it too much and that he’d never be able to fulfill my expectations. But the only thing I expect him to do is to be himself. We have talked about how and when, but at the moment I don’t mind. I just want to enjoy that ring and that feeling.
Love, I’m glad you plucked up courage. Love ya so.