Visits In The Past

I had a wonderful birthday, and the best: on the weekend we will have a little brunch here with some friends of us (W, C, S, M and A, and with my brother and sister-in-law also attending). John presented me with a weekend-trip to Switzerland and this time we’ll be flying there. In those late days of July John went alone to Switzerland to meet his childhood sweetheart. I have already written about it, but to put it short, they met in boarding school, fell in love, but were discovered and punished relentlessly for “inappropriate behaviour” (which meant kissing, having sex and loving each other). The other boy was sent abroad and John did not know where he was and had no chance to contact him, as they had no mobile phones back in the early eighties. The only thing he was able to keep from his love was a note which said “Love you”, and he still keeps it in his wallet. When I found it, the whole story behind it made me sad and cry for John and the other boy. When we talked about him, John admitted that he had found out where the other man lives and that he is not married, but John did not know whether to contact him or not. Finally, he did. It turned out the other man still thought of him, too, and had found out, where John lives as well, but was too afraid to contact him. They talked to each other on the phone for a very long time and John said that it was not easy to talk over what happened. They decided they wanted to meet. They met in Switzerland and spent two days together. Most of the time they kept talking, as they had to make up for 30 years. They found out that they have a lot in common, for example the difficulties to find a partner. I think they experienced a trauma when they were 15.

When John returned home, he was moved by that meeting and admitted that he still feels something he cannot describe for that man and that the other said that he still cares about John. John thought they might have ended up in bed if he did not watch himself, but as I was miles away, he thought this would have been betrayal. It’s strange, but I’m convinced I wouldn’t have ranked it that way, because the other man was in John’s life first. Anyway, we’ll be going to Switzerland together to meet the other man. I am very excited! John’s past always seemed so far away from me, even though he never made a secret out of it.

It made me think of the man I was together with when I lived on the street. He died almost 20 years ago and I still miss him, too.


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