Stresslevel High

The past two weeks have been extraordinarily busy. Love had to work 16 to 18 hrs daily to finish a job only he could handle. When he came home, he was tired and hungry like a wolf. Almost every day I prepared steaks for dinner and six scrambled eggs for breakfast, but Love was so busy that he had no time to eat the lunch I prepared for him as well. When he returned home, we ate in silence, then he took a shower, slumped in his armchair, watched T.V. for 20 minutes and then went to bed, that poor sweet husband of mine. I guess that’s the deal with his job: there are times he can come home in the early afternoon or take a few days off, and then again there are times like these when John’s job is stressful like hell. I adore him for his ability to handle stress.

So, in the past two weeks I had a lot of time for myself and went to Yoga more often. In the past few months I have not written about Yoga, because I did not know what to say about it. I have adjusted to it and I still like it. I like my teacher and I like our new group which only consists of men. After each lesson we sit around, drink that Yogi tea (I only take a few sips, because it causes heartburn) and talk. I have come out as gay to them and they are ok with it. When we’re talking about our relationships, I tend to think that some things the other men experience are equal to what I have with John, but in other respects it’s quite different. I guess men don’t have to argue about the neccessity of shaving (and stubbles in the sink) or so 🙂 I’m still not comfortable with one term my Yoga teacher uses to describe men: warrior. I don’t mind if it’s a warrior of light or a normal warrior, I fail to see myself as warrior anyway and all the way. Sure I have learned to fight in some aspects, but the thought of me as a warrior is ridiculous. I’m ok with it. I guess John is sort of my warrior and maybe I’m a coward because I like to hide behind his back. But that’s where I belong.

W and I have met often to drink tea, talk about St. Mary, Lady Parvati and the darker aspects of Lord Shiva and Papa Legba. W says that the time has come to focus on those darker aspects and I try to do so. One of my darker aspects is undoubtfully my pride and my greed.


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