Missing

Last weekend, L was here again with us, and we had such a fun time. When he arrived by train on friday afternoon, John still had a bit of work to do so that I fetched him from the station. We went home, had a tea together and talked a bit. We both felt some kind of anxiety as we have not been together without John yet. We had settled on the two ends of the couch and tried not to be too near to each other, until L addressed it. He asked whether I’d feel uncomfortable being alone with him, and I replied that I’m unsure about what would be ok with John and what not. L softly took my hand, then we kissed, but decided to ask John about it.

Shortly after Love returned home we began cooking together, but John felt we had something to talk about. After we had finished the meal, he wanted to know about it and was surprised to find we’re so insecure. He assured us that he’s ok with the both of us kissing, cuddling or doing even more when he’s not around. “Don’t be shy, guys”. For me, this is all new, and I thought John would be the last man I’d ever love. I had not expected our relationship to be capable of a third man, and I am still surprised about it. But I like it anyway.

We tried to spend the evening watching a movie, but we could not keep our hands off each other. L is not into BDSM, but it seems John wants to show him how nice it is to have a sub around. He made me kneel before him and just holding his cock in my mouth while they were kissing and smooching and I guess he liked it, when Love decided I’d not be allowed to climax that evening. Well, I liked it, too.

On Saturday, we stayed in bed until noon, then did the shopping together. John suggested we could go to the cinema, but there was no movie of interest, so we had dinner in a restaurant and then had a walk through town. Later at home both of them dominated me, which really turned me on. It’s a bit embarrasing to hear your Dom tell someone you really like and want to be liked from what you’re into, like “oh yes, he freaks out getting fucked by a small toy” or “sure he likes drinking piss, don’t ya, honey?”. But hell, yes, it also turned me on LOL

L had to leave on Sunday afternoon and as usual Love and I felt a bit deserted when the train had left. John invited me to a cup of tea in a café at the station and I felt he was thoughtful. When we sat in his car, he said “I don’t know how to cope with that”. I knew he spoke of the permanent distance between us. The only thing I could say was that perhaps it might get better when it’s no longer that new for all of us, when we’re getting more used to it. When seperation becomes normality. The words were just out, when I already regretted them. John looked very sad. I know, for him it must be unlikely harder than for me, because he had missed L almost his whole life through. “See, at the moment I can’t think of any solution. You’re both bound to your jobs, you both can’t leave”, I told him and he nodded. That was the kick-off for a long talk about what might be in the future, given that we stay together and that our feelings for each other deepen. At the moment, I can’t imagine moving elsewhere. My family lives here, my friends and work are here, but at least I guess John means more to me than all of that. I don’t know if I could take moving abroad, be it Switzerland or England. At the moment these thoughts overcharge me. It’s good we don’t have to decide right now. It’ll need time to grow, and that’s what I told John, too. I hope he’ll be ok with it.

In two weeks, the two guys will meet in a big city in Austria, where L has to go for his job, but I’ll stay at home because of work. It’s ok, although I’ll miss them. But perhaps it’s good if they can spend some time together alone, talk about their past and just trying to find a bit of peace. Anyway, L and I have decided to talk more often to each other on the phone.

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