Last Friday John and I went off to meet Leo. On Thursday, Love had me put my Birdlock on and promised me a weekend without any orgasm, although I was allowed to play with myself as much as I wanted to without opening the Birdlock. Ugh! John had taken the Friday off, so that we could catch an early train. At home, he had handed me my white bra and a white panty to wear during the journey and advised me to take my more slutty equipment and the make-up with me. I was nervous because it was supposed to be the first time Leo would see me clad like that.
Wearing a bra for a short time is arousing and pleasing, really, but wearing it for 7 hours just sucks. The straps began to rub on my skin and I felt tied around my chest. I would not want to wear it everyday! John watched my discomfort with delight. He invited me to have lunch in the restaurant waggon and when we went there and had to pace our way through the narrow alleys he touched my back exactly where the bra was. I sort of liked and disliked the feeling. I liked it because it reminded me of the fact that I was wearing women’s undies and I disliked it because I felt humiliated and exposed to him.
When we arrived, Leo was there to pick us up. We had a walk around town and exchanged news and John did not miss to tell him what I was wearing underneath. I was afraid of Leo’s reaction. He seems to find BDSM at least of interest, but I guess he’s not that much into it as John and I, not to speak of Sissyfication. But obviously he was curious about it. So when we had arrived at his house, John told me to “show myself”. That’s a term I don’t like at all as it implies I’ll get examined 😦 But I did what he told me and undressed until I stood in front of them just wearing the undies and the Birdlock. The both looked at each other and smiled, Leo adding “I see what you mean”. Uhm?! That’s one more thing I don’t like. Immediately, I felt shy and uncomfortable, but they told me to come over and we began kissing and cuddling. I was surprised by how caressing and tender they were. To be honest, I had expected the opposite. It surprised me even more that none of us undressed and finally John said “let’s leave it like that”. He told me to dress up and put some discreet make-up on. Why? “Because we’re going out”. Uhm. Okay.
Only because I have watched a few videos with make-up tutorials it does not mean I can do it. My hands were shaky and I really thought I would ruin it and end up looking ridiculous, but Love came to me and suggested I should only put on some powder, mascara and lipgloss. I was relieved. I shaved my face again, put some cream on, let it all dry very well and then did what he told me. In the past week, I have tried to put on make-up several times, but I was glad and did a good job. Nevertheless, I felt insecure and strange. To see myself clad like a woman feels like crossing a well-maintained boarder. It was not easy to admit to myself that I like to be John’s gurl or maid. In fact, I still don’t know what to make of it, I just try to enjoy it and not question it too much.
To put it short, this whole weekend was dedicated to find out how it feels to be the Sissy. The both men behaved like Gentlemen-Doms and tried their best to make me feel comfortable and loved. When we had rushed off for Switzerland, I had been convinced the weekend would mean a lot of getting fucked and slapped in the face, but on the contrary! They treated me very respectful and loving and I find it hard to put it in words how thankful I am.
When it was time to say goodbye and change back to my normal clothes, it felt strange. One part of me could not get out of the womens’ clothes fast enough, but another part of me felt a bit sad. When I saw myself in the mirror, dressed in jeans and my usual shirt, I felt peculiar manly! I had not expected that. I felt like I had got to know many new things about myself and as if living out this gurlish, female part of me made me more complete and fulfilled. But I do a bit worry, too. I don’t have the slightest idea where this all may lead us. Perhaps it’s just about fun and living out fantasies. Why not?
I even try to sense a kind of spiritual benefit in crossdressing. As I have written before, I know I have many female or tantrically spoken passive aspects and living them out just delights me. It seems like I have been more enabled to sense my more male and aggressive aspects afterwards.
Now John has given me a task: I shall find a name for that female part of me by which I want to be called when we’re playing. And no orgasms, but dedicated onanism for further ten days. Ugh.