(This is part of my mail to John.)
(…) So, for today I have not really a memory to share, but a kink to ponder on. Do you remember one of our first visits at XXX, where they had this fancy rubber and latex party going on downstairs? It was interesting to take a look, but most things bewildered me, until we came along this guy who had gotten a catheter from his Dom. Sure I had seen that before, and sure it had never caught my attention that much before. I had never seen that as a possible part of a game or relationship between a sub and his Dom.
What hit me most was the thought that being catheterized would mean handing all power over to you. You would not only be able to conquer me through mouth and cunt, but also via a cavity where never ever anybody had been before. I’d lose control over my bladder function. Above all, you’d be able to insert liquids into me, and I guess I did not think of sterile water.
(…) You know, these thoughts come back every now and then, and I have really asked myself if I’d be able to allow being catheterized. I’m afraid, I’m a coward. It took me so much to accept diapers and you know, I’m glad they are only part of our kinks and not our major kink, because that would be quite stressful, I guess. But even if you’ve made me wet myself, there was a bit of control left to me. I guess I’m not ready for that. The thought still frightens me, but it also turns me on like crazy. But it’s far beyond the stretcher, really, and that is a punishment. I need more time, if you’d be so kind to permit it.