I have a hard time adopting to chastity again. I know that being allowed to masturbate and watch porn as much as I like to is not good for me, as I tend to get lost in my fantasies, but being cut down completely hurts so bad that it makes me horny again. Ugh. Master is not helpful. At the moment he often grabs my buttocks, rubs my nipples and kisses me like only he can do to keep my permananetly aroused and completely helpless.
Today I found myself being deepthroated after Love came home from his weekly golf match. Having him so deep inside of me without a chance to breathe is very intense. It still takes all my trust and willpower to allow being bound, wearing a knitted and very warm ski mask, which is firmly narrowed down to my head with elastic bandages, and then being deepthroated. I have a strong gag reflex and find it hard not to belch, when Love’s so deep inside, pounding me. Usually he never makes me vomit as we’re both not into that Roman shower thing, you know, but every now and then he teases me until my last meals come up. It makes me feel completely helpless and well, dirty.
For me, deepthroating just like breath control is a sort of mental edging. He always demands “have trust!”, and I try.