Create Destruction

On the weekend, I met W and again we made a ritual for Papa Legba and Lord Shiva. I don’t know why, but these both go together well, I presume. Both seem to have something spare for humans and seem to be willing to teach us, although I’m not really able to get in touch with Legba. Although W is always very generous with explanations about Voodoo and his adaptions, it’s still a bit strange to me. Even more than in Hinduism, the gods of Voodoo appear picky to me. Every gesture matters. I myself have done a lot wrong in connection with Lord Shiva, at least according to the books, but he has never been mad with me because I placed a wrong flower on his altar or pronounced a Sanskrit word in a wrong way. Legba does not seem that uncomplicated to me. He sometimes becomes mad very quickly, and that makes him not appear as stable and “nice” as I’d need it.

At the moment I am working with the destructive incorporation of Lord Shiva, which actually feels a bit weird, because I feel it’s not a “bad” part, but a very worthy thing. If there was not destruction, nothing would ever fade or rot, so that we’d end up in a very overcrowded world with a lot of waste. It’s quite new to me to honour this destructive part as an essential and important part of life. Usually I tend to hold on to things and conditions, even if they have lost their use or meaning long ago, just beause I’m used to them. I tend to hoard, even if I’m a maniac de-clutterist. Uhm, that’s not a contradiction 🙂

Lord Shiva’s destructive incorporation may be seen as Kali. She is honoured as the mother who gives life and takes it again. She is wild and greedy and it took me by surprise that so many people even see a mother in her, but I guess I have certain prejudices about mothers in general, you know, like how they should behave and be. I’m not able to get in touch with Kali on a deeper level, so I tend to leave her something on Lord Shiva’s altar every now and then, but most times it seems she dismisses what I offer.

Some months ago, W advised me to drop my efforts concerning Kali and rather try to find that destructive, eating side of Lord Shiva. He said it might be that by doing so I’d finally find her, too, but I have not managed yet. Anyway, I have tried to get in touch with Lord Shiva’s destructive side, which to me appears as a fourious, golden dancer, which skin is anointed with blood. When he dances, he is all by himself, all absorbed and highly concentrating, but on a kind of spiritual level. He taught me that getting absorbed by things that really matter so oneself, one creates a sort of destruction. I liked that term “create destruction”! That’s because when you’re focussing on one thing, other things escape your attention and develop in a chaotic, creative way by themselves, or fall apart. But from whatever has fallen apart, there might arise new creation, like plants being turned into soil and providing new ground. I know these thoughts are not surprisingly new, but I presume it was the first time I understood this process at heart.

Lord Shiva in his destructive incorporation told me to pay attention to the destruction I create, and I did. I found it everywhere: when eating, cleaning up, showering, even when breathing. It was strange to feel this certain power I have about life and death, because it was the first time in my life that I was aware of destroying others (even bacteria). To be honest, thinking about my destructive side or my power to create destruction made me feel very uncomfortable, because I really do not want to have any mastery over whatever. When I wanted to discuss that with Lord Shiva, he just told me that’s one of my major problems and that I should really take my place, which actually means acception even of this power of destruction. Not easy at all! I guess my concerns are connected with the feeling of helplessness and worthlessness. I’d easier adapt to the thought that I’m not even worth breathing than that I am allowed to destroy the life of a bacterium. I’m best at destroying myself, I think.

That’s the point where Lord Shiva and John somehow mingle. They both try to empower me and help me taking my place, but it feels a bit weird if your God and your husband, who don’t even have contact with each other, work together that well 🙂

The symbol of the destructive incorporation of Lord Shiva as I experience it is the egg or rather the broken/breaking egg. So when W and I made our ritual, I gave a goose egg to Lord Shiva. We left it on the garden altar and while we were sitting on W’s porch, drinking tea, we saw a black cat licking it up. Well, that sent a shiver down by spine.

Task given by Lord Shiva: celebrate destruction. I don’t know what to make out of that.


3 thoughts on “Create Destruction

  1. mondfeuer says:

    a few years ago i danced for lord shiva in a shamanic way.
    There where two drums played by musicians and i start by using his mantra om namah shivaya and started to move like i felt.
    it becomes more and more intense while i repeated his mantra in a more furios way. I dont forced it, it flows right this way and after a while of repeating the mantra and moving like i felt the beats of the drum i become shiva himself…i lose the most part of feeling my body…my clothes flies away and i danced nearly naked in a furios and aggresive way, like a possession…after a while he left my body and i knew it was time for bhairava, the destruktive part of him….i started again by using a mantra of him, imagine his body dancing and feel his presence come up to me til he enters my body and mind
    In my vision i became Bhairav, danced furios like hell, blodd and fire everywhere and the heads of my enemies under my feet, bursting, smashing like eggs to the ground and it felt powerful, awesome and a bit hm….like fucking….in a really raw way….needles to say that this feeling made me a realy uge boner…but not really in a sexual way…..that was one of my greatest and important experiences ever

    You need to destroy who you are to be where and what you are.

    And the fact that Siva and your husbie work so well together is a good sign 🙂

    • blaubeermann says:

      Thanks a lot for sharing this memory, Mo. That’s awsome! I have not managed to be that much drawn away when dancing, because I can’t seem to let go. Dancing is not easy for me, because I have to feel my whole body and be aware of what I do with it, which I think is embarrassing.

      • mondfeuer says:

        i also cant let go, but while im dancing all my thoughts, all my feelings and all that could have been or something else fades away.
        There was i time when i also thaught it may be embarrassing, but then, in a disco i thought about it and decided to dont give a shit about it.
        The more i let go while dancing and the more i feel the music, the better i dance. There are people they really dance such a bad way that my eyes hurt, but every person who feels the music and dance like they feel, dances beautiful.
        Dont give a shit about what may it looks like, when you feel the music and the music hits your body, let it flow throug your entire self.
        I did this first when i was alone in my dark appartment and felt that this is necessary for my mental health.
        Since them i take every chance to dance.

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