What to tell of my weekend? Spent most of Saturday in a fancy dress and correspondent undies, while John thought it might be fun to do the shopping dressed up that way and having lunch in a nice little restaurant. After returning home, I did my chores while he had to work a few hours, only to leave me alone in the evening and attending a men’s club without me. Ugh. Our Sunday was lazy: reading, eating, reading again and playing one game of chess. In the evening, we were invited over to A and M, had dinner together and talked the night away. Needless to point out that the Birdlock stayed on the whole weekend. Today is day 87 of chastity and at the moment I’m quite content.
But today I actually wanted to write about the fire ritual W and I have performed during these very hot days. I guess we couldn’t find a worse period for that 😉 W lives in a rather old house with a sort of “witchy” or at least unkempt garden. His landlord isn’t interested in the garden at all and when W moved there, he told him that he could do whatever he liked with it unless planting hemp LOL So, W has set up a beautiful altar in the backyard and has even built a fireplace. Actually, it’s a piece of soil without plant cover, bordered by old, broken bricks. He even owns an iron frame in case one might want to have a barbecue there, but we did not need that for our ritual. Before we started, we made a little walk towards a small creek in the near of his home, where he jumped into the water and I at least dipped my toes in. Yeah, I can’t fight thoughts of larvae or fish or other animals I really do not need to touch my skin 😦 Anyway, we both focussed on cleaning ourselves (but I still believe he was dirtier when arising from the creek than before…). And apart from creepy animals, I really liked it at the creek because it was very peaceful there and I was able to make contact to Lord Shiva. I kindly asked him to be with me and stay with me through the ritual. It’s always an enrichment watching W doing such spiritual or ritual things, you know. He’s so experienced and does all with such a self-assuredness that I most of the time still feel like I don’t now anything! To be honest, even if I have good contact to Lord Shiva, I don’t see a reason for certain movements or gestures when washing, for example, and I don’t seem to get rid off my sorrows when tossing water over my left shoulder or so….
When we returned to the garden, we set up the altar. By now, I have a small collection of items related with Lord Shiva, such as my Mala, a small Ghee lamp, a little statue of Lord Shiva, the Lingam and so on, and I placed these things on the altar. In former rituals, we have found out that some of W’s Loas and Lord Shiva go together well and others don’t. Yemaja and Lord Shiva mixed up generate a strange feeling of falling from time and losing grip of our thoughts, which W regards as good, but which I don’t like. On the other hand, when working with Lord Shiva and St. Lazarus, Lord Shiva seems to take over and St. Lazarus to vanish away or lose power. Yeah, sounds a bit crazy, but we really experience this 🙂 So, finally we found some pairings that work, for example Lord Shiva and Mother Mary or Papa Legba and even Lord Shiva and Samedi. For our fire ritual, W wanted to invoke a Serpent Loa, because of her connection to love and fire in which W sees a kind of fiery quality. But to be honest, W’s sophisticated sort of spirituality still remains a mystery to me!
After the altar was set, he lit the fire and kept feeding it until it burned brightly, which was really beautiful as the twilight began to fall. Now we started to again clean ourselves, outside with smoke and fire and inside with a draught of booze. Usually, I never drink alcohol as I tend to get a heartburn, but in rituals I have started to drink a small amount which helps cleaning (according to W) and because it makes me a bit more receptive (but it still gives me a heartburn). We asked our gods and spirits to be with us and W sang a beautiful song. Later he explained to me, this song was taught to him by his Grammy. It is supposed to ask the Serpent Loa and her “servants” and all creatures connected to beauty, love and what I tend to regard as the sweet part of life to enter the ritual and entice them to stay.
When we felt they all and Lord Shiva were with us, we began feeding the fire with symbols W had drawn on paper. I had brought some drawings, too, but I don’t want to tell what they were supposed to symbolize. When feeding the flames, we observed them eating what we gave to them and tried to visualize how they took the energy of our sacrifice and transformed it into something new. As we felt our bodies getting hotter every moment, W said we should visualize how the flames were feeding us with this new, transformed energy to enable us to bring to our lives what we had asked for. We burst out in sweat and my clothes were sticking to by skin, so that I put my shirt off, but being closer to the flames with no protecting shirt made it even hotter. W had started a monotonous singsong and beating a small tambourine and was now sort of dancing and rocking. Well, that’s most times the part of the ritual I do not take part in as I don’t like to dance and still feel ashamed for my body, but this time I at least managed to nod my head and clap my hands which I regarded as courageous.
To be honest, I had completely lost my sense of time, when W eventually became quiet and sat down near the fire, obviously not really attendant. I myself was a bit dizzy, too, and thirsty like hell, but I did not want to interrupt W, so I sat down, too, staring into the flames, as they slowly became smaller. Again, I lost my sense of time. My body felt hardboiled and hot to the core and my mind was wandering. I guess I had a conversation with Lord Shiva about such things as my purpose of life, my relationship to John, my anxious attempts not to believe too much in Lord Shiva himself and so on. I was a bit surprised to feel I was aroused, but of course the Birdlock prevented whatever. I did no longer pay attention to the sweat and the soil that mingled on my skin, I even dropped the thoughts of water and kept just sitting there.
At some point of time, W moved and looked at me. I could see he was back into his body and wanted to see how I was doing. I just nodded. We both got up, pouring another draught of booze into us and into the slowly dying fire (I was surprised to witness the booze did not really burn), thanking our gods and spirits for their attendance and slowly finding back to everyday life. We drank water, which tasted sweet, then sat down by the fire, talking and being silent again.
When the fire had cracked down into a red fervor, W took a piece of black charcoal from the edge and painted symbols on my forehead and chest. He did not explain what they were supposed to mean, but they felt well. When we had calmed down and satisfied our thirst, I collected my stuff and told W goodbye. He wanted to spend the night outside, but I was looking forward taking a long and cold shower at home 🙂 The symbols on my skin survived the shower and stayed on until the next day. I guess this ritual provided my with a lot of fiery energy and inspiration. It was awesome.