Pride Flag

Mo has come up with the idea of creating one’s own pride flag. I thought I just might state my thoughts (if that’s okay).

I have never had anything with a rainbow on it to showcase I’m gay, although I am completely open about being gay. On the other hand, I too have never had anything to showcase I’m into BDSM (or masochistic/submissive, to be more precise) and I even find it strange to wear certain bracelets when visiting BDSM- or gay-clubs.

So I guess for me, it all boils down to the question whether or not I am proud of being gay (or having whatever sexual preferences). To be honest, being proud of my sexual/romantic orientation feels a bit odd, as I have not chosen to be gay or submissive. It was no decision I made and it sure was no achievement. It just happened to be like this and I feel there’s not much more to it.

On the other hand, I am well aware of the fact that being gay (or lets put it that way: not being heterosexual) and having sexual/romantic cravings which are a bit…remote…is understood to be of political interest. When gay men started fighting for their rights in the late 1960’s and the early 1970’s, it was thought that the private was political as well (as far as I remember, this slogan arose from the feminist movements, but that’s not my cup of tea). To keep that movement running, it was neccessary that gay men came out of their closet, and it sure was not as “normal” as it is today, due to §175, which said that whatever sexual intercourse between two males was sodomy and therefore banned. Lesbians have never been criminalized by the law in Germany, by the way, so the gay and the lesbian movements did not really collaborate for quite a long time.

I guess we owe those men who came out as gay though there was §175 still existing a lot, and I feel like today not coming out and not being proud of being gay is a bit outlawed. But nevertheless, I always think it’s odd that so many people are interested in who is gay (especially concerning celebrities and soccer-players), just to claim “well, that’s perfectly normal!”, after one has come out and therefore to prove it’s not! LOL! Just imagine some guy telling you he has fallen in love with a girl and your reaction would be: “wow, so you’re heterosexual? Congrats, dude, that’s awesome…but perfectly normal! Don’t worry about it! But…who’s…you know….the receiving part in your relationship?” LOL!!!

So, I guess being gay is not as normal as it should be and I understand that there is still the need for gay men coming out and showcasing being gay. Hopefully one day, being gay might be regarded as normal as it actually is. But to be honest, I myself do not want to be one of them. I’m not involved in the gay movement, I do not join CSD events and I do not talk to younger gay men about having safer sex or whatever. I myself am not especially proud of being gay, but on the other hand, I do not hide it. Well, or to be more precise: I just hide it if John wants me to. He’s out to most people, but there are occasions in which it is wiser for him to appear as straight, so that I back off a bit. I don’t want to explain that any further, you just have to trust me 😉

And last but not least I have isues with being proud of myself. Most times I see myself as a weak person who has not achieved anything. That’s okay somehow, but I regard a proud flag for myself as futile.

I hope my thoughts do not offend anyone.


5 thoughts on “Pride Flag

  1. mondfeuer says:

    Thank you for your words and thoughts about that.
    I for myself am also not specialy proud to be what i am (i don´t know…i just know, that i´m not straight)
    The thing is: yeah, you may be a weak person in your own thougths, but to me, you are so fucking strong! You survived things that are so terrible, cruel and so bad. You stand, you have a life, a man who you loves and you are able to love him, though you have this fucked up past.
    I for myself are much more unable to life that way. I´n not out in that way but also not “in my closet” my sons don´t know it. that´s till this time no problem, because, there is no man in my life. I don´t want a relationship, just a friend with benefits, to explore some things, especialy things from the bdsm realm and other things. Not even more.
    For myself no more relation”shit”.
    My thoughts about the self pride flag is, that everybody should be proud of him/ herself to be alive, to live a life that is worth living, to know thyself, to give the world a little peace, a bit like the radical faery movement, but not only to gay men, also to lesbians, transgender, queer people of different movements and also straight people who think everything from being gay to being trans is normal, to make it a bit more normal in our society.

    • Blaubeermann says:

      Yes, I totally get your point, and I agree in terms of the need to change the perception of non-heterosexuals and non-cis-people. But you lost me in concerns of being proud of oneself. After writing this posting yesterday, I thought about what I’m proud of, and I guess that’s really difficult for me. I feel proud for being my Master’s and being able to endure whatever he inflicts on me. I’m even able to feel proud for keeping quite high standards in doing my job at the café and at home. But I don’t manage to be proud of myself when not related to others. For example, one of my friends once said I could be proud of my hair, and that really confused me. Why would I be? I did not achieve to have hair like I do, it just grows 🙂 I’m not even especially proud of having survived, it was just by chance and because my father did not finish what he had come for. And well, meanwhile I often think, surviving is not a real merit. It would be if you’d be able to really live afterwards, but that’s another topic, I guess.
      All in all, it’s really difficult for me to feel proud of myself, but of course I enjoy others giving me a positive feedback, although I don’t always understand why.
      I’ve got one question and I hope it’s not insolent. Please choose not to answer if you think it’s offending. You said, you’re not straight, but you have sons. I just wonder how you feel as a (more or less?) gay (?) father? Are you confronted with certain prejudices or difficulties?

  2. mondfeuer says:


    I totaly understand what you mean, it is a hard way out of that, and maybe some parts will ever be missing. The biggest priority should be to get that stage of contendetness that is able to achieve.

    I am often also not able to understand why people give me positive feedback or like me to a point that they call me a real friend. I have just learnd to deal with it without any understanding.

    Your Question isn´t insolent in no way and i don´t fell offended by that.
    I´m not straight, i thought i was gay until i met my ex wife, she drives me crazy because i liked her, and was a bit aroused by her presence.
    Ys, i have loved her deeply and the sex was ok and sometimes really great, but if i had met her later in my life and a bit further in my healing process and understanding myself a bit more, than i wouldn´t have kids and where not been married.

    After my marriage and our divorce i had another relationship with a women, and that was a subject on it´s own.
    Now, after more than 1,5 years of therapy i am in a stage where i could say, that women must have a special thing that they can turn me on. A man can turn me on much more easyly.

    But i can´t say that i am truly gay, this would exclude all the other beings.
    I have a ftm transgender in my friends and i would like to fuck with her and her girlfriend. That is maybe a exception, because there is no other women where i could imagine to have sex with, but much more man´s which i like to get in sexual contact.

    How do i feel as a gay father?
    Hm, i don´t realy know.
    To be humble, the last time i was with a man is 14 years ago. Since my last relationshit (sorry) there was only a bit sexting with a really cute guy, some writing of sexual shortstorys and a bit of flirting. i don´t have the cahnce to met a man right now, because my sons don´t know that i am more gay than any other thing. they only know me with their mother and the girlfriend after that. It was no subject till this day. When it comes to a situation where a man drives me so crazy that i could imagine a relationship, then i would tell them what is going on, but not earlyer.

    The thing is, i don´t want a relationship. To be single is in this moment the best thing for me, though i really craving for sex. The last time was last oct. and i am in spite of everything a really sexual erson who needs sex. Cuddling and all that is not what i really need. At some nights i wish there where a man that holds me, let me feel another body, bodyheat and the breath, but this is not as often as it could be, therefore it is like it is and i have to deal with it….

    In may i make a account on gay romeo. I just wanted to met guys (maybe i should write gays^^) in a similiar situation to chat a bit, to get in contact and maybe to met for a coffee. But all i get was dick pics, invitations for sex, blowjobs and orgys.
    I would like to have sex, really, but not that way. My selfesteem got a big lack and i don´t know if this is something for me.
    Now i just look maybe once a week on my profile and nothing more.
    There are other things i should manage than just to get laid.

    Sorry, this is now a wall of text….

    • Blaubeermann says:

      Thank you for being that open.
      I think I can understand you well, especially in terms of needing sex but not neccessarily the cuddling. And GR, well, yes, that’s quite a thing of its own. I have deleted my account there because I got so bored of all those wannabe-doms and the dick pics. You name it.
      To be honest, at the moment I can’t imagine anything hotter than being a gurl with tits and cock, and we’ve been talking about getting in touch with a shemale, just for sex. But I see myself as a gay man, even when wearing make up and a skirt. That hole shemale-gurl-thing is just a variation of being gay, at least in our perception, and both of us can’t imagine having sex with or romantic feelings for a woman. So, I’m always very curious about men who are bisexual or not entirely gay (if that’s ok to say so).
      Moreover, you get me thinking about actually not having and not wanting to have children. I always found it very hard to take (or fake) care for myself and can’t imagine how it would be to have children to look for. I guess for me, this would be connected with a lot of fear of fucking things up, like letting them starve or being a bad father with my social and mental issues. I would not have the strength for children, so I really admire you!

  3. mondfeuer says:

    I think in future there would be no relationship or something with a women, because the craving for a man is so strongt, that actually, no women could give me the things i want.

    I was afraid when my ex wife was pregnant, because, in fact, my childhood and youth was not as hard as yours, but there wasenough to broke me down and makes me an psychological total damaged person (kPTSD, depression and so on)
    I´m often in fear to be a bad father, but now, after a few sessions with a childtherapist, which my ex wife wanted, i know i´m a very good father.
    My recipe is: Give them what you wanted in your childhood, reflect yourself, speak and talk to other parents, use what you have learned in your education (Heilerziehungspfleger, don´t know how to say that in english) and observe, learn, and try to understand as much as possible.
    Without the talking with other parents, my therapy and a few lovely friends, i don´t know if i have had learned all of that, because, i didn´t know what would it be to have a family, to be a father and waht is needed. It´s sometimes a wonder that my sons love me, are happy, full of love and healthy in body and mind, but there must be one thing i have done right^^

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