Lately, I’ve been wearing the chastity device every now and then, sometimes for some days, sometimes not even that long. Now Love has announced this month to be No-vember, which actually means I’ll be denied all the way. Ugh. I guess this year is one of the most chaste years ever.
In the past few weeks things have changed a bit. I have granted John the right to treat me rougher, like more slaps, more spankings, more humiliation. Then I got the flu and had to see my doctor due to asthma. When he wanted to monitor me and I had to undress, we had this inevitable conversation about my “abusive” relationship again. Gosh, I’m so tired of it. He always makes me feel like an idiot or like he’s going to tell my mom what I do behind her back. “Das ist nicht gesund” (“This is not healthy”), he keeps telling me. And I can’t make him understand that I see this as selfcare. Keep me under control, hurt me, humiliate me, and you’ve got me smiling happy.
I’m still having those artificial nails on. Twice a week I renew the nail varnish and every third week or so I have the nails renewed. It seems like my nails grow quite fast. I’ve gotten used to them and can use my hands without reservations. Most of my co-workers and the customers have adapted to me with those nails on, and I guess it helps being regarded as a mentally/emotionally disabled person. My brother just looked at the nails, made a grim face and said nothing and we still have not talked about it.
In the past few weeks I’ve been wearing women’s undies only. For work, I just wear a panty, but when I get home, I also put on a bra with silicone tits. Makes me feel comfy and glam at the same time, and I love being John’s gurl, still. I suppose I’ve improved my skills concerning putting on make up. I feel like I’m able to trace the differences between looking girly and looking slutty better now, and it gets me wet when he tells me to dress and make up like a fuckslut. For a while now, he keeps referring to my clit as a clit and not a cock any longer, and he has begun mocking its size and incapability. In result, I have really developed problems getting hard and experiencing an orgasm, which again makes him laugh at me and makes it more difficult for me to cum. He said, No-vember should therefore not be too hard (haha) for me.
I like the thought of my clit to shrivel and shrink until I can only pet it with two fingers (or maybe one) and not with my whole hand. I like the thought of me as a serving fuckslut with no cock between my legs, focussing on my asscunt and my Master’s demands. Oh fuck yeah.
All in all, I feel like I’m on my way. The only thing I begin to really regret is that I won’t be able to develop real tits, unless I pile on lots of fat, which I don’t want. It would be beautiful and humiliating at the same time to have real tits, preferably giving milk… I have heard of men being able to breastfeed and some say it’s only a matter of training and putting on suction-cups. Maybe that’s the next thing to try, we have not decided yet. But for sure my tits have gotten more sensitive since John has started to pay more attention to them. It would be nice to be able to cum just by getting them sucked.