The past days have been a constant struggle. I don’t want to be chaste, instead I feel the urge to wank and cum. The more inner pressure I feel, the worse it gets. I have thought a lot about the fact that probably my only way to relieve pressure is sex. When I began hurting myself as a child, it was always connected with a certain relief and it surely is the same nowadays, but I can only feel deep relief and following that, relaxation, if it gets kinky. My therapist says that kind of normal. Sex is often offered to calm anger in a group or between two individuals, and most mammals wank to relieve pressure. Well, at least all mammals who ware not locked into a chastity device, right?
When I came home from our therapeutic session today, John was already at home, and I talked to him about my urge to cum. He listened to me, nodded to all my points, and just when I thought he could do no other but open the Birdlock, he sweetly told me “I don’t get the point, honey. I told you, it’s No-vember”. “But….”
Yeah, all those buts…so senseless, so useless. He just smiled after I had tried to make it clear to him how desperate I needed it to relieve this anger, this pressure inside, and said with this too calm voice “I get your point, son”. And that was it. He just left me standing there, turned to his book again, and I was dismissed. I felt so angry, I cried. I guess he could hear me, but did not bother. I was about to think he is too cruel, when after dinner he talked to me again. “See, I feel sorry for you”. I made a tone of bemusement. “I really do”, he emphasized “but you know my word is valid”. Oh yes, I know. In good times as in bad. “So, I have made up my mind and thought, why don’t you take advantage of No-vember and finally try to cum without touching your clit? That’s a bit overdue, don’t you think?”.
Oh. Boy. There he had me. It’s such a turn-on for me, this idea of cumming without touching my clit. I feel like a good girl should be able to cum when she gets fucked, you know, just from milking due to prostate massage. It would be nice dribbling cum without climaxing. As a candy, John told me he’d allow two minutes of wanking, including cumming (if I manage) if I can milk a whole load out of me with the Birdlock still on and just due to anal stimulation in one setting. Well now, that’s a deal. Will the training bring relief? I doubt so. But I guess if I have something to do, to really strive for, then it might relieve the pressure anyway, just because it distracts me from my dissatisfaction. Yup, keep your whore busy, than she’s a contented gurl…