In my last therapeutic session, we talked about my inner father. That concept is not new to me, but so far it didn’t work for me. Of course I’m able to take care for myself, at least as long as I’m given certain checkpoints and have someone to llok after me every now and then, but I would not associate that with an inner father. My therapist made me imagine my inner father and I saw an older man, grey hair, tall, educated, self-reliant. Not me at all. I know it’s just an ideal, but probably it’s an ideal I can work with.
I have started to talk to him and was surprised what he has to say. Sometimes he tells me just the same things as John and Lord Shiva do, but that’s no surprise. But sometimes he tells me stuff I have never heard before and I guess he could be my chance to develop a better understanding for myself and my needs. Today I thought “uh, I’m such an idiot, stupid asshole!”, and he interrupted me by saying “nah, you’re not, you just tend to think that of yourself because of what he did”. Well, true.
I have thought about how I felt as a kid, and I remembered a certain phrase I had for myself. It hurt to remember that and all that’s connected to it. I could talk about that with this inner father, and I was really surprised to hear his opinion about it. W has promised to help me deepen that connection and guide me on a shamanic journey to him.