A Star In The Darkness

In the past few days, I’ve tried to take a look back at 2015, but obviously I failed, so anyway, welcome back to my blog in 2016 🙂 Hope you enjoyed the festivities and have arrived well in the new year.

John and I spent New Year’s Eve with A and M in a kind of fancy restaurant with live music and dinner. Definitely the occasion to wear a tuxedo and hell, I was horny all night long just when looking at him 🙂 But I had my difficulties to wear a suit. You know, I’m more that jeans-and-t-shirt kind of guy and tend to feel overdressed when wearing a suit. Moreover, when I took it out of the wardrobe, it made me sad because Ginny rather wanted to dress up and wear a nice gown or something. Finally, Love told me to wear fancy underwear which resulted in feeling like a gurl in disguise 🙂 To be honest, I didn’t quite understand until now why A and M see my nails but don’t ask or make remarks or whatever. That left me a bit uncomfortable, but anyway.

The Midwinter ritual I attended at W’s was totally awesome. M had prepared the feast for us and it was so, so good! 🙂 For the ritual, we sat in a circle with 13 candles lit in the middle. W guided us on a journey and kept blowing out a candle at a time until all was dark. When he told us to come back and experience the darkness, we literally sat in the dark. It was very intense. W and I had made a deal before we had started: if I felt uncomfortable, I could reach out for his hand (I was seated next to him), and so I glady did when I felt like monsters were crouching in the darkness. Uhm. He kept holding my hand until I felt better and that helped me finally to embrace the darkness. He had told us to look for gifts of the darkness, a sparkle or whatever, and bring that into our everyday lives. I found a shimmering star at the bottom of the darkness. First, it shone with dim light only, but after I had taken it, its light grew brighter. I put it into my heart area. When W began putting on the candles again, I thought that obviously the star is a symbol that’s meaningful for me at the moment. In one of my last journeys with Lord Shiva, he gave me a star, too.

Later on, W told me that he thinks of the star as a kind of guide, like, you know, the star of Bethlehem which guided the three Magi to the child. I have no Christian background as W does, but I like the symbol of a guiding star. Seems to me I can’t go wrong if the star s guiding my path.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s