Obviously, the urge to write about this topic arises from being frustrated LOL At the moment, I’m not in chastity, but nevertheless John likes to deny me. In his opinion, frustration should be an essential part of a sub’s life in order to keep him on a certain level of arousal, which actually means to keep him obedient, willing, horny and aware of the fact that he’s dependent on his Dom’s good mood.
For some days now John didn’t allow me to experience an orgasm. He arouses me by words and deeds and then, just when I think he might let me cum, he tells me to get up or leave or do whatever but cum. If that happens every now and then, I’m really happy for that kind of prolongued foreplay, but if being denied lasts on, I get really frustrated. It feels like the arousal jumps up and I’m even able to endure it for quite a time, but then being aroused yet unfulfilled gets annoying and painful, both physically and mentally. It is as if my world shrinks and sooner or later only circles about sex. Sex only. I know John loves me being in that state of mind and he enjoys my attemps to be a good gurl to satisfy him in the hope to get relief. I myself like feeling dependent to a certain level, but if it gets beyond that, I only feel helpless and frustrated.
Even if being frustrated is somehow familiar, I’m really not good in enduring it. I try to distract myself from all the thoughts that come up by doing my chores, drawing, running, concentrating on a book or making Yoga, but to be honest, there’s a level of frustration and arousal that can’t be dealt with by those things. When I’m locked in, I automatically begin to feel up the Birdlock, try to wank myself, but that just leads to more frustration. At the moment, I’m not locked in, but John told me not to touch myself. I know it’s not correct, by I try to make me cum by rubbing myself against the corner of a table or the back of a chair, just to be able to say “I did not touch myself”. John laughs at those lame attempts to cum, because in fact I have never been able to cum by humping furniture, but that makes it worse. Sometimes he watches me doing it and starts to make remarks concerning my inability to cum or he compares me to a she-dog in heat and tells me how pathetic I am.
To tell you the truth, being sexually unfulfilled and frustrated often leads to the urge to hurt myself. Over the years, self-harm has become less and there are phases in which I don’t hurt myself at all, but I’m not over it yet. Since our holidays in France, I sometimes hurt myself without leaving marks, and that even more when I’m sexually frustrated. Being denied can lead to starving myself to punish me, or to wrapping elastic straps around my fingers until they turn violet or whatever. I’d prefer cutting myself, but I really try not to do it (not always successful). Wanking/cumming is a good way to relieve feelings of anger and frustration, and being denied makes it all so much worse.
Another aspect of being frustrated is humiliation. John makes me watch him wank or fuck others, he teases and edges me without orgasm. He tells me how small and pathetic my cock is, which arouses and annoys me at the same time. I try to cope with this kind of frustration by telling me that that’s part of our game, but it gets harder the longer it lasts. Sometimes I’m even denied to please him and then I really, really miss his beautiful cock.
When I ask him what denying me is all about for him, he tells me that it turns him on unbelievably to have that power over me and to witness my growing arousal and frustration. He says he likes to have me horny and whimpering for his cock all the time, beause that makes him feel desired, loved and well, needed. With that in mind, I try to hang on to this treatment, because I know he likes it. If it was only about denying me for my own sake, then where would be the point in having a 24/7-relationship?
All in all, my everyday life at the moment is all about coping with frustration and feelings of lust and anger.
If you’re kept in chastity or if you are denied, how do you cope with that?