Thoughts About Tits

Tonight, I’m excluded from our bedroom and while John and Leo are upstairs, I have made my bed on the couch in the livingroom. I’ve been watching porn for quite a while now, I’m horny and greedy and feel a bit lonely. Just like they wanted me to. Ugh.

This week, we have talked very much about certain fantasies that keep haunting me and obviously John as well. For a while now, I have often worn those boobs made of silicone. I own to different sizes. One pair is obscenely big, the other is more decent, like an A-cup. I had to get used to their weight and their mere existence, and I guess the big ones are nothing for everyday usage. But the small tits are. Sometimes, if I don’t need to go to work or elsewhere, I wear them the whole day long. They need to be inserted into a bra to keep them in the right position, and they adhere to the skin as well. When I put them on, they’re cold (but I could put them in warm water if I’d remember that), but after a while they’re just warm and soft and become a part of my body.

Sometimes, it confuses me how much I regard them as a part of my body. Of course I still feel them and even if they’re small, they put some extra-weight on. But I really savour this feeling, and I like my body with them on very much. I like the curves they provide me with, even more if I wear a corset around my hips. In the last years, I have piled on some pounds, but I’m far from being, you know, curvy. And those boobs present me with curves. I like how my dresses and blouses fit with them beneath. When I wear my boobs, it is easy to feel glam and gurly.

For months now, I was only allowed to cum after extended tit play. Sometimes John rubs and sucks my nipples, but most times I just use small stimulators or suction cups, but I have been thinking about getting me a breast pump. I have read so much about men who were able to develop a bigger breast by using them, and some of them are even able to squirt a bit milk. Sometimes, when John sucks my nipples, I feel like I’d love to pour him some milk as a precious and very intimate gift. I like that fantasy very much, even though I question my sanity. On the other hand, there are some men and couples out there who live it out. Men with boobs, even men being able to give milk. Why shouldn’t I try it? Obviously, there’s no risk at all. Even if I’d manage to give milk and find out that I don’t like it, I can stop. It’s all about the frequency. If you want to give milk, then pump your breast several times a day for half an hour and in about six months there should be milk. If you want to stop giving milk, extend the pauses between milking until no more milk is produced.

Ugh.

Last summer, when John and I were in France, he said someting I couldn’t forget ever since. “I hope you don’t mind, but I have always thought that a person with tits and cock is perfection”. Uhm, yes. Could I be that person? Is it risky or even unhealthy? I mean, in a more psychological kind of sense? I would cross a border, but heck, I have crossed so many in the past. I still like being male and I love my cock, even though I like chastity and do fantasize about cock-shrinkage and castration. I don’t want to live as female, but the longer I play that Ginny game, the more it seems to me that it isn’t a game. I have no idea what exactly that means and I’m afraid that I experience this because of what my father did. But well, he never wanted me to be a girl, and to be honest, I have often wondered if he was gay as well. I don’t know. Is Ginny just an escape from the reality which is represented by my body? Or is Ginny more like….me?

Ugh…

2 thoughts on “Thoughts About Tits

  1. mondfeuer says:

    Hey,
    I don´t know if this is helpful, but a friend of mine, who was born male is now on the way to be a women.
    She came out 2 years ago. In the past, as she where he, he liked it to cross that border, dress up as a girl and made party.
    Now there is no he, although i know there is a cock inside her pantys (we call it enlarged clit when we play with her girlfriend😉 )but she is on her way to be a full women.
    I thought a lot about this subject of transgenders and gender fluidals.
    I for myself love to be a man, have a cock, slightly hairy breast, facial hair and stuff, but also like to live my feminine side at all.
    In the past, when i was 18 and up, i liked to wear skirts, make up and nail polish. I´m a goth, today not as much lived as in the past, but i loved it to dress like i feel. There was no thought about being a man or a women. It was just me. Sometimes in leather trousers with bondage on the sides and on other days a skirt, long or short, make up and nailpolish and sometimes lipstic.
    What i want to say: Be you.
    When this means to be a being with a cock, facial hair and tits, so go for it.
    The only way to get as heal and feeling good as possible is to live what and who you are. Regardless of what others might think. Regardless of falling out of patterns.
    Just you.
    What lies between the ears defines much more the gender than what lies between our legs.
    Express yourself as you love it.
    The clinical psychology may say that this may be pathologic, but screw it, if it makes you feel better, healthier and more like you, then it is worth it to life, especially when you and John like to live this.

    • blaubeermann says:

      Hiya mondfeuer and sorry for not having answered earlier.
      I tend to call my cock a clit as well, but sometimes I refer to it as cock and that includes the words “limp and useless” as well (even if not stated). It’s not so much about actual erectile dysfunction, but more about the thought of myself as a kind of dependent, weak Sissy or boi.

      I have met transwomen and transmen as well before, but when I compare them to me, I don’t see I’m trans. I really like being male, just like you said, I love having a cock (or clit) and even if I shave all over, I like having facial hair and so on. It’s just that I found out that being a kind of gurlish boi makes me happy. I could never think of having surgery, you know, even if I have those castration kinks.

      Someone sent me pictures of males who have gotten breast implants, and I found them so inspiring and hot. Obviously, those guys just love having boobs, and some of them are gay, others not. I guess I struggle to get things clear, but that makes me even more thankful for John who apparently is quite turned on by me being Ginny. On the other hand, he still likes me as his husband, if that makes sense.

      Leo, John and I had a lot of opportunities to talk it over and I think I’ll just try to stay open-minded and find out how deep it goes.
      You said, express yourself, but that’s really hard for me. You see, John and my brother and his wife are so important to me and I fear I might just lose them. Perhaps that’s stupid, but that’s actually what haunts me.

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