The Other Side Of The Flogger

Last weekend, John and I attended a BDSM club and after playing, John drove us home. I was tired and exhausted, but when we entered the house, he said “I could use something to eat”. So, at 3 in the morning, I went into the kitchen to make him scrambled eggs on toast, some sausages and a cup of tea, while he snuggled up in bed and waited for me to serve the dish. When he was finished, I went back into the kitchen, did the dishes and cleaned the oven. Then I was allowed to go to bed as well.

Sometimes my friend W asks me “What is it like to be a sub, 24/7?”, and I’d say, the story above is all that is to it. But I thought it might be fun to write down some details:) But before I start, I just want to add that all I talk about here is true for John and me and doesn’t represent any other 24/7-couples! Let’s start 🙂

Being John’s 24/7-sub is all about devotion, obedience, serving and striving to be the best you can. He doesn’t allow himself any laxness and for sure he won’t forgive you any.

Concerning yourself that means: stick to the rules he has given to you. Take care for your body and your mental health. Eat, drink and sleep enough. Be helpful. Be polite. Be dutyful. Always tell the truth. Secrets? Not allowed. Swearing? Not allowed. Take care for your body. Take showers every day, wash your hair at least three times a week. Shave all over, body hair is for Alphas only. Use a lotion. Use a perfume he has chosen for you. Dress well and appropriate.

Concerning your chores that means: do what he tells you to do when he tells you to. There is just one way a task can be fulfilled, and that is his way. His house shall be the home he likes to return to each evening, so keep it clean, tidy and neat. Keep everything in place. Your belongings have their own places. It is his house, so it’s him to decide what’s right. It’s his house, so of course he needs more space for his belongings than you. He tells you when the sink is clean and he decides what you’ll have to do if it is not. Take care for the details. Toilet paper ends get folded twice to form a nice triangle. At table, everything has its place. Socks must be sorted by colour and there is only one way to fold them.

Corcerning him that means: he is a busy man with a lot of responsibilities. When he comes home, he wants to relax. Welcome him back home, take his jacket and bring his slippers. Offer a drink/tea and just listen to him. He had a hard day and isn’t in the mood for your chitchat. You’ll get to know when you’re allowed to talk. Rather listen to him and offer a massage or a blowjob. He is hungry, so make dinner. You know what he likes and what he doesn’t even want to try. Stick to that, no experiments unless he has approved. Whenever he wants sex, you have to serve. Your body is his, so he gets whatever he desires, whenever and wherever. No no’s except for the limits you have approved. His satisfaction is obligatory, yours is a pleasantry. Be thankful. Swallow all he gives to you, it’s good for you. Say thank you. There’s no use in begging for anything, you only get what he wants you to have. Your cocklette is his, his cock is his. Respect his need for spare time he spends alone or with friends. He’ll tell you when you’re allowed to go and meet your friends, too. Never ask him where he’s been or with whom he has been, that’s none of your business unless he decides to tell you. You’re allowed to feel jealous, but you have no right to be possessive. Keep interesting for him. Read and watch news so that you understand what he is talking about. Be interested in all he says. His well-being is your highest good. A happy Dom equals a happy you.

Well, writing this down, I sometimes had to grin, because it sounds like John is more like a dictator than my husband, right? But to be honest, over the years we have come to quite a lot agreements, for example, I know he needs much time for himself, so he is OK with me being away more often than when we had just met. I have enough time for myself and my friends, no need to worry 🙂 But after all, if he’d tell me to stay home, I’d rather do that than go to my Yoga class.

In our everyday life, that 24/7-relationship has a lot of effects on how we do things. I tend to see myself as his maid/servant/slave/possession and him as my Owner/Master/Husband/Dad/Dom. He is the leader, the Alpha, the ruler.

I think there’ll be part 2 with some stories from our life together 🙂


4 thoughts on “The Other Side Of The Flogger

  1. mondfeuer says:

    Hiya Blaubeermann,

    This is really interesting. I for myself couldn´t live a life like this, but i´m not supposed to do, if this is what makes you an John happy, then that is all that is needed. But, are there times in which you want to stop it for a while, or is it something that you simply need to be happy, stable and see reason for your life?

    Sometimes i play with some friends with benefits. Then we play, sometimes over a few days through messaging, sometimes just for an evening or a few hours, but after this, we stop playing. Also is it really clear who is who in our plays. It shows in the beginning who is dom and who is sub. We all are switchers, so what is needed will be used in our play.

    • blaubeermann says:

      Hi mondfeuer,

      our 24/7-lifestyle developed over the years. For us, that’s nothing to rush in. It needs to be done carefully. Most things need to be experienced before you can set up a rule for them. Some things are just a turn on as long as they stay fantasies, you know 🙂

      Some time ago I was in doubt about that 24/7-lifestyle and asked for more freedom, for a more “normal” relationship. I know John was hurt because he feared he had lost a part of me and a part of our love, but he allowed me to find out how I’d feel with less rules, less BDSM in general and more freedom. That was the time he hired someone to help with house and garden and when he stopped lending me to others etc. I have written about it here, please feel free to look it up. First, I really liked it. It felt fresh and interesting. But after some months, I felt no longer well with that freedom. I got very sad and felt like I had destroyed our love. I found that I really need to belong to and depend on him. So I humbly asked him whether he might take it all back to normal, and he did.

      So, yes, I felt the urge to pause for a while, but that pause didn’t do me good. Moreover, it changed John, our relationship and myself. Today, he’s way more demanding than before and pushes me over my borders more often (like with that haircut…). I have granted him the right to do so as a sign of my love and of me giving in to his rules. Why? Because I need this to feel like myself. I need rules to keep my sanity and to have my life well-organized. Most importantly, I need this lifestyle because it matches my character and needs. I feel happy and contented in that 24/7-relationship.

      I understand that for most people it’s hard to comprehend. For most, BDSM is playtime, and that’s perfect. It’s fun, right? 🙂
      You know, I struggle a lot with my personality. I know that I am who I am because of what my father did. And even 20 more years of therapeutic sessions won’t change that. I always thought that whole BDSM-thing was just a “trip” into the unknown and my interest in that would vanish by itself some time. I assured myself that some time I’d get annoyed by it and then would return to the good and normal things. That was a lifetime ago and I have not. I’ll be 40 this summer and somehow I want to make peace with that. I haven’t chosen to be that submissive-masochistic-sissy-slut-son-slave I am.

      It’s cool you’re a switch 🙂 So you know both sides. Do you have a preference?

      • mondfeuer says:

        Thank you for your honest answer.
        I for myself can´t imagine this lifestyle, but when it fits for you, matches your personality and this is a way to get in peace wth yourself and also helps you to be stable and feel like yourself, then i think you have found your perfect lifestyle.

        My prefecerenc depends on my mood.
        The last weeks i´m more down and unstable than anything else and i would love to be bound up and beaten with a whip, fucked hard and so on, but on other times, when i´m more stable, more like myself i love to be the dom, say what my slaves have to do, to leave and so on. The good thing is, the other both are also switchers and can manage this very good. It´s only difficult when all of us want to be submissive and masochistic^^ i think we have to flip a coin in that case, but it happens not that often that we are able to manage playtime.

        For the future, i would love to have a boyfriend who is also a switcher, to live a relationship like i feel i can handle for myself and he too, because a usual relationship wouldn´t work for me well and would lead me to a state where i lost myself, and i don´t think i would handle this another time, i woul loose myself and give up, becuase i´m really done.
        Therapy is a hard thing, you know this better than anyone else and my past is fucked up, but not as much as yours. I know, it´s never good to relate things, that makes things worse, but i think, what ever might helped me on the past to be who i am, to handle my fucked up life, my mental and also my health issues, it was a good thing, otherwise, i wouldn´t be there anymore…


  2. blaubeermann says:

    Hi Mo,

    I’m glad you found two guys to play with. Sounds like you’re having a fun time together 🙂
    You’re right, there’s no use in comparing one with another as anyone feels their own burden as the worst (and for them, it is), but I’m just happy to read about you finding new ways to cope with everything. And I think sex and especially BDSM is such a creative and good way to cope with a violent past, assumed you have a responsible partner.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s