Yesterday, I had a chat with my boss about wearing gurlish stuff for work. I was so excited that I was shaking 🙂 She offered to have a short walk around the gardens and I was glad to move my feet while trying to say what I needed. She listened to me, then considered my words. She then thanked me for my trust and said that if it was just about her, she didn’t have any difficulties with me wearing a dress. But she said that she doubts that some of my co-workers and some of our customers would understand why I wear a dress and what that means to me. She said she fears that I could get bullied and that this might affect the whole atmosphere at work. On the other hand, she said, we can’t be certain about who would react in which way and that all in all everybody accepts me having my nails done and wearing my bracelet.
“Is that more than just a hobby?”, she wanted to know. I had feared that question, because I thought all I could tell her would sound stupid and because all in all I still don’t feel any gender-related pressure. And even if we know each other for quite a while now, she surely doesn’t know about certain aspects of my relationship… But of course she knows about what my father did and that I’m mentally disabled. She needs to know in order to react correctly in times I get triggered or just can’t accomplish my tasks. So I simply said that yes, it’s more than a hobby, though I don’t feel like a woman, but more like a guy with a stong feminine part of self. She nodded.
“Listen, I’m OK with you wearing whatever you like to wear for work. I appreciate you for your kindness towards each and everybody and for your excellent service” (she really said “exzellent”, wow!) “But you should consider that well. You know some of your co-workers and some customers might be irritated and I don’t want you to get hurt. Apart from that, do whatever makes you happy”.
I was so relieved! I thanked her many times.
Now, I feel like the pressure has disappeared. I know she’s right and that I should take care for myself in order not to get bullied, but I’m so happy that she puts trust in me and that she has allowed me to dress gurlish if I want to. As soon as John is home again, we will talk it over. I thought, I might give it a slow start with just a colourful tee or so.