I am back into my submissive mode. The past few weeks have been exceptional tender and cuddly, but now, with that referendum pending, John has so much work to do that when he makes it home, he is angry and tired and doesn’t give a fuck about me or my needs. When things change that abruptly, I sometimes feel strange. In one moment I was his beloved partner, in the next I’m just his fuck toy, his whore. He is working hard and he expects me to function properly. He doesn’t want to hear about my day or how it was at work, he just wants his home to be run perfectly, he wants food he likes and he wants rough sex whenever, wherever he likes it. He spanks and slaps me, pushes me around, uses me like an object, yells at me, calls me names. Maybe I’m a bad person, but at night, when he’s already asleep and I feel my skin and my asshole hurt, and while I wear my collar and know I should feel abused, all I feel is love. I know he isn’t angry with me, he’s just stressed out, and I’m glad I can help him relax. And, to be honest, it turns me on beyond belief to be treated like the whore I am. I don’t know if I deserve to be treated like that, but I am lucky to have a Dom who loves me enough to beat the shit out of me. At the moment, I don’t want to think about the conflicts that will cause, I just want to savour this intense feeling of being his property, his useless cunt, his cum dumpster and his punching bag. Love hurts.