Overflowing

There are some parts of my life I don’t really refer to here, be it to keep anonymity, be it because I once decided this blog should be more about the kinks in my life. For example, I haven’t written about spirituality, Yoga or Lord Shiva lately, and sometimes I wonder if mixing these things up with my perversions is appropriate. I don’t know.

There’s another side of my life I don’t really talk about here, though it grew quite big over the years. Due to his occupation, John has a lot of obligations, extending into his (and our) spare time. Sometimes he takes part in those things alone, sometimes I accompany him. It depends on who he meets and where they meet. I don’t feel save about spending time as a gay couple in Dubai for example, just like I’ve mentioned before, and even if I’m invited as well, I don’t go. Perhaps that’s just prejudices, but I don’t neccessarily need to spend time in a country where being gay is an official contravention. I don’t accompany him to business meetings as well or to see people who have issues with him being gay. I tend to think it’s gotten quite normal in that part of Europe, but for sure it’s not that normal in any part of the world and for any people…

After John has been having health issues for the past few years and we now know the problem, he tries to step back a bit and spend more time at home, just relaxing or hiking or doing things he likes in general. I like having him around, even though I’m no longer as stressed as I was before when he’s not at home. It’s just a home when he’s here.

The things we like to do with each other have expended over the years. We still play a lot of chess and go hiking on a regular base. He plays golf regularly and goes swimming as well, which is not really my kind of sport🙂 I like sauna better. He bought a camera two years ago and has been taking photographs ever since, sharing them on flickr and, the more kinky ones, with some BDSM friends. We both love reading, although we like different kinds of books. I guess travelling has become one of our major hobbies as well, after I had so much issues with leaving home. Sometimes we just leave for a weekend, which is so cool🙂

John says he feels like he has settled more the older he gets, which I regard as an compliment. I think we have established a feeling of home and belonging with each other, even though we’re still not monogamous and don’t want to be. We’ve become very close with each other. I never thought that might even be possible for someone like me, but it is. Still, I don’t just regard myself as his partner. To be honest, I don’t know if I am. Only in a certain kind of way, as we’re never on eye level. I can trust him and he trusts me, but I know I will never be and I will never want to be like him. Having tried other relationships, we’re both feeling comfortable with that. Sometimes I feel sorry for him. In my insecure moments I think he’d be much better off with a normal partner, but actually I know that’s wrong.

I don’t really know why I felt the need to write all that down. Might be connected to a short moment yesterday morning. I woke up while he was still sleeping and I felt so overflowing with love for that gorgeous man… I’m so grateful to be here.

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