Between Days

Christmas was very exhausting this year and I think I’m glad when we’re all back to normal next week. In fact, I am happy to work between the holidays. Tomorrow I’ll be in from 8 to 12, then again on Monday. I found it challenging to cope with the high expectations my brother and his wife have towards Christmas. I do understand they want to celebrate it and I do understand that they expect me (or us) to fit into that need. But I too feel that even doing my best isn’t good enough, because I am “different”, for whatever that’s supposed to mean. During the hoidays I have to cope with a lot of bad memories coming up and to be honest with a lot of self-pity about how and who I might have been as well.

Meeting W and M on Christmas was so much easier for me, and it was because I could be the gurl I am with them. M had prepared the most delicious japanese fondue ever, for them with meat and fish, for me without. I even had two small glasses of wine and did well with them.

Even though John and I don’t make each other big gifts, he presented me with a beautiful pearl for the Pandora bracelet and he even wrote me a cute card, which is very unusual, to say thanks for anything I do for him and let him do, with or without me.

Tomorrow we’ll be visiting W and M again who have also invited some other friends over. I think I couldn’t start better into the new year.

I want to thank anybody who sticks with me here and wish you a healthy and happy new year!


Happy Holidays!

Sometimes being among strangers as a crossdresser is kind of weird and it even may lead to situations in which I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I misjudge situations and people and what I think is a potentially harmful environment turns out to be welcoming and vice versa. In everyday life, my crossdressing is quite discreet. I don’t want to be mistaken for a hooker, even though that’s part of my and John’s kink. In everyday life, I just love to be Ginny and you know that she’s become a very important part of me. Ginny isn’t a whore, she’s just cute, shy and a bit giggly and she likes John to be a gentleman and so on. Perfect clothes for Ginny in everyday life are for example chinos with a cute jacket and sneakers or, if the occasion is right, a skirt or dress with cute sandals and so on.

I guess the most challenging part of being among people as a crossdresser is getting the body language right. Men and women have different ways to behave, to move and to gesture, and I think you can tell right away when you see me, even from behind, that I’m a guy and not a girl, even though I’ve gotten better over time. Well, and being quite tall and having a male physique doesn’t quite help πŸ™‚ I think for a man, I am quite slim, but still I have wider shoulders then women tend to have and longer arms and so on. And how well I do as a woman is a question of how I feel as well. Sometimes when I’m weary or nervous, I tend to fall back into my normal body language, and when I’m relaxed and most times when John is with me, I’m better.

So, yesterday John and I were out to shop for what we’ll need during the following days and I was dressed up as Ginny, but I felt a bit uncomfortable. Shops were full and people were a bit stressed out, and I tried my best not the attact attention in a negative way. It wouldn’t have marvelled me if someone would have said not so nice things to me, but then I got my own little Christmas surprise. I was scrambling about in a box of salads to find me one with not so many wilted leaves on, when I felt someone standing next to me. I looked up and saw it was a woman, about my age. She smiled at me and asked me to hand her one good salad, too, and then she smiled again, thanked me and added conspirationally: “I think you do very well…I mean, you look beautiful. Merry Christmas!” in German. I was so baffled, then I had to smile. That was so cute πŸ™‚

Tomorrow evening we’ll be visiting my brother and sister-in-law. My brother asked me to come “like my brother”, so no crossdressing obviously. On the 25th we’ll meet A and M for lunch and my friend W and his partner M for dinner, and on the 26th we’ll see my brother and sister-in-law for dinner again. Busy days ahead.

I know I don’t have many followers, but I wish you all joyful Christmas and happy holidays!


On the past Saturday I had my awaited punishment and John kept his word. My ass was raw and in fact still is, though taking care for it properly makes it heal up quite well each time (no creams or bandages, just a lot of air to help the skin dry and daily showering with blowing it dry afterwards, that’s indeed the whole trick. And of course good nutrition with a lot of water to drink, fresh fruits and veg).

In the gay community, there are two main opinions about crossdressers like me, roughly said. Some just hate crossdressers and guys who love to wear feminine underwear and accessory, and there are events where they give out the strict advice not to attend when you’re dressed up. Some others love all about crossdressers and trannies in general, and most of them are a bit older, 40+. The guys I love most, though I regard guys of my age (40) as too young for me. I have a crush for men from about 50 to 65 recently, but I have met some younger and some elder who were awesome, too.

Most times, dogging is about having sex with radomly appearing strangers, but sometimes you can make appointments beforehand. Depending on the dogging point you want to attend, it’s sometimes a better option to make an announcement to make sure there are enough guys around who like to fuck a crossdressing bitch like me. And for Saturday, John had prepared everything nicely. To be honest with you, I think it’s a part of his kink to plan anything nicely πŸ™‚

He had me dress up with ouvert panties and a bra (no fake tits allowed, he wanted them to mock me for my pathetic small tits). No lube, no warnings, no help, just raw fucking and serving. I love rough sex, but nevertheless being gangraped is a thing that might overwhelm me, so I need John near to make sure I get through it alright. Alright actually means he takes care for the guys to use a condom when penetrating my asscunt and staying clean. No blood, no needles or whatever. Because I know he’s taking care for that, I can truly dive into that experience, and at some point I would not even be able to stay in charge.

The pain and degradation are two of my main kinks and it really turns me on to be fucked by a guy while another who had fucked me before cums right into my face. That sticky, smelly cum all over me, smearing my make up, is incredibly gorgeous πŸ™‚ John took a lot of pictures. Later he said he might consider getting a mug made for me with a picture of myself covered in cum on it, and I love the idea πŸ™‚ The best thing, I had two orgasms on Saturday and they were so violent, it hurt.

Being fucked by so many didn’t do my red ass good. It was really painful afterwards from all the hits and touches and juices, but when the last one was done with me and I was wrapped up in a huge towel not to get stains on the car-seats, I felt tired and damn satisfied.

Later home I got back into the device and I guess I’ll stay denied for some more days, though I hope I might cum again on Christmas. Anyway, I hope I left no doubt about what I really am: just a cum rag, there for the pleasure of real men.

Bad Gurl

I’ve been a bad gurl recently and John thought I might learn my lesson better by writing and telling you about it. The following text is part of my punishment this week. You know, love hurts…

He had the annual Christmas party at work this Monday and had asked me to pick him up. I was told to wear nothing but a very slutty piece of lingerie and a large butt plug with a warm coat over it. He expected me to wait in the car and be on time. The knack was that he told me to meet a friend I know from my Yoga lessons before picking him up and going to the Christmas market with him. I was supposed to let this friend take a quick and “random” glance at what I was wearing underneath. Oh, I had hated that idea from the beginning. Usually I’m quite open about what a slut I am, but Yoga is a sort of other part of my life, even though they know I get my nails done. But I’m really trying carefully not to let them know I wear girls’ undies and so on.

First of all, I was surprised by how cold it actually was with just a sweet nothing under the coat and even with socks, boots, a scarf and a hat on! I was glad to get hold of warm food and actually two cups of kid’s punch. My Yoga friend and I were chatting along nicely, but the longer we just stood and talked, the more insecure I got. I really did not want to do it. I felt like I could not, because I thought it might destroy what he thinks about me, and I wanted him to really like me. You know, I think when I’m doing Yoga or are in a class or am together with my Yoga mates, then I’m another person, more like a normal guy. You all know how much I actually struggle with being the slut I am, even though I can’t help it.

To put the long story short, I didn’t do it and didn’t complete the task my Master gave to me. I have disappointed him and chose to be disobedient. It was my failure. I was unable to fulfill that simple task because I’m a dumb whore and a pathetic performer.

When I picked up Master, he just had to look into my eyes to know I failed. I felt so ashamed, but I excused and told him why I had not been able to do so, while I was already driving us home. For a while he didn’t reply and that’s the worst because I can feel him getting mad at me. He told me where to drive and I know it was not for home. On a semi-public parking lot he made me park the car and get out. I had to undress my coat and it was really cold! He told me to bend over and spanked me there right away, first with his hand, then with his belt, paying no attention to the other cars passing by. I thought someone would stop, but even though some passed us slowly, nobody did. He only stopped when my ass was bloody and my clit was throbbing. I was allowed to get back in the coat and get driving again. And again he fell silent. I knew it wasn’t over yet.

Later at home he fucked me relentlessly, I really felt like being ripped apart, and I liked that. “So you didn’t want him to know you’re a slut?”. I nodded my head, getting hit in the face for that. “You didn’t want him to know you’re a little fucktoy for anybody?”. The sweet and malicious voice he used made my clit twitch again. He pressed his mouth against my ear, whispering “I have news for you then. Dogging on the weekend, with your ass being really, really red. You’ll be serving any cock presented to you, and I don’t mind if they’re nasty or ugly. Got that, whore?”. I got it. “We’ll let everyone know about you. And I know you like that”. Oh damn, I do…

Eventually he sentenced me to chastity and daily spankings until Saturday. I’m as horny and willing to be publicly raped as a fuckwhore must be. I can’t wait to serve a lot of cock as that’s my purpose in life. I want you to know that even if I’m pretending I’m a normal guy, I am not. I am just a dumb, worthless rapewhore and that gets me hard.

December Already

No-vember has been so hard for me this year, especially in mental concerns. I know many people would think John is pushing me too far and is acting too violent on me, but I like it that way. It’s just that sometimes I feel vulnerable and sensitive, and the more denied I am, the more I come into contact with feelings I usually wank away. Since I’m Ginny more often, I’m more in contact with that sensitive side of me, and that’s challenging sometimes.

Now we’re into December and I can’t believe how quickly 2016 will be over. For me, it’s been a good year, though I could not accomplish all I had wanted to. John had told me I had earned me a denied December and I was really mad about that. Yesterday evening it turned out that he had just wanted to increase my frustration and that I’m not to endure another month of chastity. I’m very happy about that πŸ˜€

Leo will be visiting us from tomorrow until Tuesday and I’m really looking forward to seeing him again πŸ™‚ Unfortunately we wonΒ΄t be able to spend Christmas together this year, but we’ll meet again in January. We have decided to spend a week in Switzerland, combining seeing Leo with some ski holidays for my sporty husband. Also, we have talked about another trip together in March or April, but that’s not decided yet, because John will be away quite often during spring, as well professional as for a golf vacation in New Zealand. In June, John and I will go on a vacation together, perhaps just to the Netherlands or so, and in autumn we might finally fly to Thailand. I’m excited about that, because to be honest, I somehow think about consulting a doctor there and try to get as many information as possible about having boob surgery there. But only if my wish to have boobs still exists then, of course. Well, until now it’s unbroken, really.

For December, John gave me two different advent calendars. One with plain chocolate, the other with kinky tasks, and I love that so much! I’m just a bit sad that he didn’t want one either, but I hope he likes what I make out of his tasks πŸ™‚