I can’t believe it’s been a month since I’ve posted here last time. Happy new year to everybody 🙂 Hope you’ve been alright.
The last couple of weeks have been very busy and very beautiful as well. Right after the new year had started, John and I went off to see Leo in Switzerland. We had a nice suite in a hotel in the Alps and spent the week with relaxing in their spa, skiing (John only, while Leo and I sat inside some nice bar or on their terrace, where I got a bad sunburn), going out for dinner and talking the nights away. When we returned home, John and I felt lonely, like we always do when we have to say goodbye to Leo.
I’ve taken part in a Yoga workshop about clear-outs and new starts which was just beautiful. I think I’ve taken from it a lot of inspiration for this new year, and as a result I started by clearing out some of my old stuff like books, magazines, clothes and so on. It was the first time I felt like I’m able to give away some of my gurly things I no longer wear, and I gave them to Andrea. I want to continue clearing out and even check our kitchen, the livingroom and so on.
At work the things are back to the normal pace, except for my decision to try to work more hours. From now on until the end of March I will be working 16 up to 20 hours a week instead of 12. If I can’t make it, then I shall tell my boss right away, but the past weeks have been o.k. If by the end of March I think I want to keep it up, then I’ll be able to. At the moment it feels well, and I don’t complain about earning more money. John lets me keep all my money to myself and he’s generous with his, but I like having more money to spend for things he likes, like make-up, my nails, lingerie and some dinners outside 🙂
Concerning Ginny, I have come to a state of mind where things feel a bit more settled. I’m not so anxious about what other people might think about me when I’m dressed up. I think though I’m quite slender, you can tell right away I’m a man, and that’s no longer such a problem for me. When I don’t pass, I don’t mind as long as I feel good about myself, and being able to talk about my crossdressing feelings with a trans-friend of mine really helped me getting things sorted out. I like myself as a guy and I like myself as Ginny, and the only thing I still would want to change is that I really want to have small boobies. Natural, if possible. The problem with transplantation of my own body-fat might be that I don’t have as much breast tissue like a woman has, so to shape boobs that really look natural I might need to get silicone implants, ironically. We have talked a lot about that recently and I thought very often how much easier it would be to “just” take hormons, but I’m not willing to do that as there’s anyway no chance to get them from a German doctor, because I’m not trans. And taking hormons of some strange sources surely isn’t the right thing to do for me, because it may effect my mental disorder. I think surgery is the best way, and as t seems, I might even be able to have surgery in Germany! Let’s face it: as long as you pay the bills, you can even get boobs if you’re a man. The only thing that keeps me from getting boobies right away is the fear that I might regret it, though for the past years that wish has just gotten stronger. And even if I find some day that having boobs was a bad idea, what hinders me to have them removed then?
Leo said something so nice that I want to remember forever. He said: nothing hotter than a person with a dick and boobs 🙂