We have some U.S. citizens among our closest friends (like my buddy W) and in the past few months there has only been one topic, namely their new president. Usually I’m not very interested in politics though John is always well-informed and tells me a lot about what’s going on, but this time it’s quite different. I’m concerned about what Trump’s election will do not only to the U.S. but to the world in general and I think it won’t be long before he will try to distract people from what’s going on inside the U.S. by starting a war.
And I’m concerned on a very personal level, because W and I will be travelling to the U.S. in March, which was planned long-term. Though W keeps telling me that I don’t fit into their enemy-scheme, I just feel fear for my personal security and that puts a lot of pressure upon me. Not that a 14-hour-flight alone would stress me out… I fear I might get strip-searched, and while being abused is my kink, I know this would re-traumatize me. Sometimes I freak out that much that I actually consider cancelling that trip.
On the other hand everyone keeps telling me that these holidays will be so imporant for me, and I too want to go. It would be so beautiful to meet people of W’s family and get to know all the places that mean so much to him. And of course I’m really excited to learn more about his spiritual tradition as well.
At the moment I’m constantly asking myself what I was thinking. Ugh.