At the moment I’m always horny. It was just two weeks without John and sex, but I still feel ravenous and hungry 🙂 This weekend we have taken time just for us. No friends, no dinners, no work, not even a visit at the sauna. We prepared dinner together, which is rare, and I enjoyed John’s presence all the way.
When I was in the U.S. I sometimes felt lost without him. In my weak moments I could hold on to W and because he knows me so well he also knows about my more feminine, perhaps even childish sides who need to be taken care of and are fearful. But seeing John waiting for me at the airport was like every single part of me was screaming out in relief “Master! Husband! Lover! Daddy!” at once LOL I can only feel home when I’m with him.
For me, being away from all the things here was a good opportunity to think some things over, especially what I really feel and think concerning Ginny. She has become a huge and important part of myself. I had decided to forgo being her in the U.S. because I really feared being molested in an awful way. Whereas I feel in Germany more and more people accept crossdressers, transpeople and so on, I was shocked about the new president’s resolutions in trans-matters and how a lot of people agreed with that. Of course I know that there are a lot of people who find these resolutions disgusting, but you never know how people actually react when they are confronted with a crossdresser, right?
Anyway, after two weeks without being Ginny (I had not even taken bras with me and after wearing them for so long now has become really normal for me), I felt sore and like a liar. I know I’m not the personified beauty, but when I dress up, I feel soft, warm, gentle and just good at any rate and I love being John’s slutgurl or his shy little, prissy girl. I can connect to certain feelings when I’m Ginny which I can’t do as Blaubeermann. And sometimes I even feel precious and cute, which I certainly never do as Blaubeermann. So one of the first things I did after being back home was putting on a bra and a girly panty and paint my nails. Only then I felt better, more like myself, and I could see by the sparkle in his eye that John thought just the same.
I have observed my feelings well in the past weeks and days and I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to wait much longer. I really want boobs, because I feel they make me complete. You know, you can take so much away from me, all my clothes, my make-up, the nailpolish and stuff, but those boobs would always be there and as my husband wants them on me, too, I don’t fear I could regret that decision. How much securer should I get to have surgery?
Tomorrow I will start to look for surgeons who would do that surgery on me. I’m quite sure that they don’t have too many guys who want boobs, but as John and most of my friends think: as long as you pay the bill, you get your boobs. I hope so. I’m nervous and can’t wait to have them done, though I’m afraid of the days I will spend away from home and of the pain I will certainly have. But I try to focus on my aim, some cute boobies. Wish me luck, please 🙂 And I will keep you updated.