What I’m Here For

Yesterday John and Leo spent some time outside the house while I was working and then doing my chores in and about the house. Recently John thought about having the livingroom made over to get us more space for books and stuff, which I would love. When they returned, we had a belated lunch and talked. John told Leo incidentially about my lame attempt to fuck my sex doll Ugly and they both had a good laugh about me. I suddenly felt to sore and bad that I needed to leave the room. I tried to centre, but when I came back, they were still making fun of me, and I could not help but cry. I guess that’s one thing I really hate about allowing Giny more space inside of me and my life. I have a deeper conection to my feelings now and cry an awful lot more.

They let me cry for a moment, then John told me to tell him straight away what the matter was. I answered that I feel awful for not being able to hump that doll and that I feel worthless and ravenous and have trouble with being kept chaste and denied and all that stuff. He and Leo listened to me and watched me cry even more. To say all these things aloud was somehow alright, but on the other hand it just hurt. After my first outburst was over, John just asked me one single question: “What are you here for?”. Without even thinking about it, I answered “for your pleasure, Sir.” I hadn’t expect his slap in the face. “What are you here for?”, he repeated, and I, totally confused, said again “for your pleasure, Sir”, and added “to take care for you and your needs, and to-” BAM! Another slap, harder.

I started crying again, looking puzzled at Leo, who didn’t do anything but watch me as if he knew something I didn’t. “Let me ask again: what-are-you-here-for?”. I tried another answer: “for nothing special, Sir. I’m just a dumb whore, just-” BAM! I couldn’t help but sob “what is wrong?”, but again he slapped me, several times. “What is wrong with YOU?”, he said loud and clear. “I don’t know, Sir…um…”. More slaps, with increasing power. My head hurt, I cried my eyes out, even though I know he hates dramas above all. “What are you here for?” I didn’t know what to say, so I tried the last thing I knew: “for nothing at all, I don’t matter, I’m just tash, just-”

BAM! BAM! The pain and the humiliation made me go on my knees, but he grabbed my hair and picked me up again. I could feel my cocklette throbbing inside its cage and could only think how well he smelled and how sexy and turning on I found his looks, the hits and the whole situation. He brought my face close to his, so close that I could see myself in his beautiful eyes. Very quietly he asked again: “What are you here for?” I just shook my head. I had said all I could think of and my lust was increasing, being so near to him. “Okay. You don’t know, then I tell you”. He untightened his grip on my hair, but still held me close and looked me deep into the eyes, as if to leave no doubt about how serious he was. “You are here because I want you to be here. Because you matter to me. I love you, stupid, and it’s your damn duty to tell me if you can’t bear what I choose for you”. I was speechless and he smiled, letting go of my hair and pulling me inside his arms. “You matter to me. I need to know when things are too much for you, hun.”

Well, I know he hates drama, but these few polite words just gave me the rest. I cried even more and now Leo came over and cuddled me as well. After a while, when I had calmed down a bit and promised to take better care for myself, John asked me “did you want to get hard?” I said yes, and finally, after all these weeks, he made me lower my pants, opened the Birdlock and made me wank just there where I was, in front of them. It was hard to cum anyway, but it was so good. I loved being stripped naked, soul-wise and all, being loved and humiliated at the same time. Today, I feel high and free, even though I voluntarily locked my clit in again.

I know in the past weeks or even months I didn’t take good care for me. I ignored my borders because I thought I needed to be his cum trashbin only, and I forgot about why we both are here. Just because we love each other. My devotion is meant to be deep and real, but he can only be the best Master I could ever dream of if I manage to be a responsible sub. Lesson learned. Thank you, Master. Love you so.

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Chastity Chit Chat

I’m still in chastity as I still wasn’t able to cum when humping Ugly. On the last weekend John added another minute to make it somehow easier for me, but when I couldn’t do it, he looked at me that sad and disgusted way to creeps under my skin. The problem is that I’m way beyond horny and somehow feel like I’d have to explode. I feel aggressive and moody and sometimes I rub my caged cocklette, but that makes it even worse. It’s those feelings that are the most difficult to bear, because one part of me feels like quitting it all and asking John to please free my dick and never lock me in again.

I try to distract myself from the permanent thought of cumming, sex and that stuff by keeping me busy. I run a lot these days and I’m still working more hours. I meet with friends and go to my Yoga class, work in the garden and try to be a good fucktoy for Master, which momentarily means only BJs because he refuses to fuck me.

On the next weekend Leo will be with us, and he will stay some days. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Right after Leo will be gone, John will be off for some days golfing in Mallorca and at the end of the month the two of us will travel to England for a week. It’s just a little downtime as Love had much work lately. In November, we’ll be travelling to Thailand and I’m nervous about that. You know, they’ve got the most beautiful ladyboys there and John already annouced that if he likes them better than me he will only fuck them there, not me. I guess it’s not hard being more beautiful than me.

All in all I feel a little depressed right now, especially as the weather is so nice and I’d love to have sex outside.