Sometimes when I’m locked into one of my chastity devices, I feel a kind of panic. It might be weird to still feel this after all these years we play around with chastity now, but I think that depends on my general mood. When I’m anxious or nervous or get easily triggered, I mind being locked it much more than usually. Sometimes I fear the device could be to narrow and harm my clit or balls, somtimes I just panic when I think about the helplessness I experience when John holds the keys.
Most subs don’t talk about this other side of being kept chaste. Some pretend they have never experienced this feeling of panic and even anger, others just want to ignore it. If I try to ignore it, I might turn that much deranged that I pass out or feel the urge to hurt myself, and that’s no real option.
So, how do I cope with feelings of panic while being locked in? First of all, I try to remember to breathe steadily and calm, and believe it or not, but Yoga helps a lot with that. I try to tell myself that having the device on won’t restrict my breath or my blood circulation (because if it would, I would notice in an instance). Then I try to remember why exactly I wear the device: because it’s part of my devotion to my Master, because I offer him to control my lust and because I (usually) love to be under control.
I know, I always wrote “I try to …”, but in fact sometimes one things helps better to calm down than another. It depends. Sometimes the best thing is distraction and do something else like go for a run, listening to music or text with friends.
How do I cope with feelings of anger while being locked in? I find that I can reduce anger best when working out, so I run or do some physically demanding chores like mopping the floor or weeding. Anger can build up easily when being kept chaste for a while, because wanking is one of my relaxation methods. I need to take care for myself, because I tend to wanting to harm myself when I’m angry, and believe me, there are more ways than just cutting into my own skin. So when I feel the urge to hurt myself, I try working out and even hitting pillows or watching brutal movies.
The most important thing in coping with negative feelings while being kept chaste is talking to John. He needs to know how I feel, and very often he comes up with helpful ideas to relieve my pressure (which includes spanking, fucking and using me, of course). I find it very helpful to be able to adress what I feel and to be honest, I like it that he keeps on keeping me chaste even though I experience negative feelings. It would disturb the balance of our relationship if he would unlock me too easily. For me it’s very important to be allowed to make demanding, exhausting, even daunting experiences, because that makes me truly feel inferiour and as a worthy sub.