Today I wore my new pendant at work. One of our customers looked at it and said (in German) “I didn’t know you like horses”. I just replied “I don’t”. LOL I totally love these adorable moments when BDSM-lifestyle and normal people meet each other 🙂
When you’ve been here for longer, you know that I still struggle with my kinks (if you want to read more about it, try this). Recently I’ve been talking a lot about BDSM with my therapist. He’s not always been been too supportive of my lifestyle, but in the past few months and after a sort of fight we had about it, he tries to be a bit more open-minded. To be honest, I have considered going to another therapist, but there aren’t too many in the area I live in and most of them have you waiting for months and months before they even want to talk to you (even f you pay privately like I do anyway).
I have tried to work hard on my judgements over myself, but I still feel like there are at least three or four versions of me, perhaps even more. Though I know they are only parts of my self, sometimes they feel like they have their own body and personality. Blaubeermann is the nice guy from next door, helpful, polite, the “worker” and “maintainer”. Ginny is the cute girl, she’s shy and silly and funny, she needs a lot of love and cuddles. Ginny’s dark side is Gina, the dog whore. And I guess the dark side of Blaubeermann doesn’t even have a name. He’s the part of me I fear most, though he brings me a lot of pleasure. He’s the one who would allow John to kill him, and he’s connected with the most painful, disgusting and dangerous things.
Additionly there may be some other parts of me, like the Yoga guy or the girl who is W’s best friend. I don’t know.
Well, what I intended to say: I have really started to appreciate the different parts of me and that BDSM is a kind of therapy for me. I know I couldn’t share it with most people who consider themselves Doms (because they are not dominant enough, eventually), but I can share it with John. And I totally love the way BDSM is present in my everyday life.