Ten days into punishment and I want to give a quick update on how I am now.
First of all, I’m feeling a lot better, both mentally and physically. During the first four days when I had to sleep on the floor in front of our bed, I felt miserable, but when I was allowed back into bed, I understood why John chose this punishment for me. It made me feel achy and worthless, but when he welcomed me back in our bed, I immediately felt better. As if I had lost all the warmth inside myself and my body during I starved myself and as if it was brought into consciousness while sleeping on the floor and as if it all at once came back to me when being allowed to sleep in bed again. Moreover, sleeping on the floor caused immense pain in my joints and in my back, and from day 2 on I had a grim headache.
Adapting to his menu was difficult, especially during the first three to five days. I had to struggle with the amount of food after starving myself, and I so missed coffee and sugar! I felt like going on cold turkey and that made me feel even worse than only sleeping on the floor would have done. Maybe this caffeine withdrawal made my headache even worse, I don’t know. Having to stem five meals a day plus drinking 2.5 litres of water doesn’t come easy to me normally, but being told to follow this plan after fasting was vicious. During the first three days I had to struggle not to throw up, and I did once, and that’s why John added another meal, later in the evening.
Additionally he told me that he thinks I’m an unattractive bitch when I’m too skinny, just a scarecrow in his eyes. He’s very strict about that and I don’t doubt he means what he says. But when he tells me the truth in this way, it hurts my feelings, and I think it’s supposed to. He told me that next time I’ll have the brilliant idea of starving myself, he himself will feed me cold, bland porridge with a dipper until it comes out of my ears again. To be honest, the thought of that makes my clit itch, but I know I wouldn’t enjoy it if he really did.
After day 5, 6 or 7 (it was more like a process, really) I was over the cold turkey and able to think and act better. I still have immense cravings when John brews his coffee and I can smell it, but that’s alright I guess. Maybe he allows me coffee when the 14 days are over.
John didn’t allow me weigh control, but I can feel that I piled on a bit. I hope he allows me back to normal food and quantity after those 14 days. I really fear I might get too fat. On the other hand, I have to admit that I feel better now, in some kind of way. I’m not feeling cold or unconcentrated. S I guess his menu works for me.
Chastity is quite a problem for me this time. I’m used to prolonged episodes of chastity, but nevertheless sex and masturbation are good ways to relax and release stress. Just knowing that I’m in strict chastity makes the daily spankings even more exciting. Feeling that itching between my legs and not being able to do anything about it is sometimes very nice and sometimes very hard, even more because John doesn’t even allow me to get fucked or suck him off. It’s hard hearing him masturbate or feeling his thrusts when he’s in bed right next to me and not be allowed to be part of that. Uhm, yes, I’m truly addicted to his beautiful, perfect cock and being kept from pleasing him hurts my feelings and makes me feel desperate.
So, do I like this punishment? Not at all. Do I think it’s good for me to bring me back on track, make me feel like the owned slave I am and make healthier choices? Absolutely.