Happy Easter Holidays

Yesterday we had to do the groceries for the long weekend. I was a bit irritated when John bought five packages of hard-boiled and dyed eggs, but when we arrived home, I found out why he did. Here are my rules from today on until Monday:

  • each day he will put a breakfast for me on the table. I can refuse to eat it, but then I get it up my cunt
  • each day after breakfast I have to take one box of eggs. I will peel an egg and shove it up my cunt, where it is supposed to stay all day (and this means: taking sh*ts is best done before breakfast)
  • during the day he will throw the remaining 9 eggs at me, whenever, wherever. If I shy away, I get my clit rubbed with hot sauce
  • if the egg gets smashed, I’m allowed to clean up. I must not put the eggs away, but must collect them. If it doesn’t break, I have to give it back to him, so that he can throw it at me again

Sounded like fun, but today he already threw six eggs and me and most of them didn’t break, so that he threw them at me again. I manage to not shy away from pain, but I look a bit like I looked when he fired the BB-gun at me. Like some weird kind of octopus wanted to hug me. Moreover, the breakfast was thoroughly disgusting. He just gave me the remains from his espresso and a dog biscuit.

Needless to say that my clit is drooling within the Holytrainer. I just love it if he treats me like the worthless cumrag I am 🙂


Everyday Life

My everyday life stays quite the same through all this time of inner conflicts. I go to work four days a week for some hours. Usually I work in the shop/café, but sometimes I help with the gardening or in other departments. All in all I’m best when I can serve people and help them, and believe me, sometimes a warm cup of coffee is the best way to help people 🙂 I still attend Yoga classes, but at the moment only once a week. I do sports at home as well. I try to run almost every day and I practise Yoga at home as well. I still really suck at meditation, but that’s OK. Since we have our help, I have less things to do in John’s house, but I still clean the bathroom every day, make our bed, cook and all.

I still feel a deep connection to Lord Shiva, but over the time I have also developed a relation to Papa Legba, obviously due to my friend W, who teaches me a lot, spiritwise. I feel like Lord Shiva and Papa Legba form a certain kind of spiritual fathers for me. I know it’s not very surprising, but I’m obviously still searching for father-persons in my life. I meet W regularly to make little or not so little rituals for both of them and for W’s gods as well, but still I think only little do I know of all of that. I fear that I might do something wrong, so I shy from doing much.

In the past months Leo, John and I had a lot of trouble finding time to see us. Both of them have so much to do, then Leo was ill, followed by us, and all in all it’s a bit tricky to run such a long-distance relationship. But at the moment none of us wants to make such a life-changing decision to leave his country, so we just keep on. In June we will go on a vacation together in Italy. Just one week, but I can’t wait to be there 🙂 In April John will be flying to South Africa to play golf, but he told me to stay at home. Why? Just because he can and he knows that the thought of him fucking others will make me melt. He says he needs time for himself and will provide me with a long list of things to do (and not to do) during this time.

All in all I am quite content with my life at the moment. I have found schedules that help me pushing through.

Break Your Whore

By now I have earned my horsey back, but not the rest.

Last weekend John brought me to a public dogging spot. He had told me about it the whole week and because I was denied for quite a while now (and had to wear the plug one week almost 24/7) I had hopes that he might allow me to get raped. When we arrived there were only four or five guys and I started to suck them, just like John told me. I was still locked into the device (Holytrainer), but I wished to desperately to be fucked that I asked him again and again, but he told me and the guys that no, I was not to be fucked into my cunt, but only in the face. And he kept word. I sucked a lot of dicks and swallowed it all, but I remained unfucked and therefore so horny that I was frustrated all the time. So many cocks around me and than that…

John took a lot of photographs from me and published some of them so that others can take a look at me when they’re wanking. After all were pleased, he drove me home and told me to watch me in the bathroom mirror for a while. My make up was ruined, I had spit in the face and in my hair, spunk as well. He came to me, talked to me. He told me to lift my skirt and reveal my caged clit, my ridicolous “manhood”, my scars, my tighs, my belly. He told me to lift my top as well and look at my not existent titties, the desperate look in my eyes, the unfulfilled lust. I was trembling because  usually I avoid looking at me too close, but he told me to linger, to really look at myself. I was surprised when I realized that I liked what I saw. I felt sympathy for the slut in the mirror, for her scars and I respected her inferiority. Looking back, I think I might have seen what he might see in me.

Afterwards, he told me to shower and then come to him. When I did, he scrolled through the photographs he had taken, and he began wanking. He didn’t deny me when I sucked him, finally. I love it when he stays in control when others use me. He’s like a sponge. He looks at me, his whore, and it’s like he’d take photos with his eyes, just for his private use, and once we’re alone and I’m out of the spotlight, he can relax and use me, while remembering all the things other men just did to me. He likes me well used. And finally he fucked me in the cunt I had stretched for him one week. I still had the device on, but I came, thankfully. When my body decides that it doesn’t need any clit stimulation to come, I’m feeling that’s the biggest gift I could offer.

Since then he has taken off the device once every day and stroked my clit like about 10 minutes, and without the attempt to make me cum. It’s just that he tells me “I want to stroke you….down there, honey…on your nasty spot…”and that makes me melt. I can’t help but keep wishing it had always been him, from the beginning on. If love had been a part of my training, what a better whore I would be today.

Earning It Back

To earn my pendant with that horsey back, I have agreed to do the following:

  • one week fully plugged, going for 24/7
  • during this week I’ll pump my titties each day for 30 minutes (2×15)  minimum
  • no masturbation at all, just T&D
  • no blowjobs, no sex at all

The week started last Tuesday, so today is only day 2. And I had not taken into account that wearing a plug this long is not only kinky af, but it also leaves my asscunt raw due to the friction. Ouchi. I had also not thought of how annoying Yoga would be this way. John smiled at me mildly when I told him and said that only proved once again that I’m no good in thinking. Literally he said “there’s a reason why you sell vegetables, Honey” 🙂