Altered Identity

At the end of May I had the opportunity to talk to the second therapist who is specialized in those gender matters. I was nervous again, but not as much as during the talk with the first doctor. Nevertheless it was a big help that John accompanied me. He asked me the same things, more or less, and he asked John to join in the conversation as well. In the end, he told me that he, too, would come to the conclusion that I had gender issues that can’t be specified. He told me that he thinks I should continue trauma therapy, but that he also thinks it might me helpful for me to stay on antidepressants and that he would recommend I get a treatment with hormones, if I want to. He said that it doesn’t happen only in rare cases that people who underwent severe abuse develop a certain kind of altered identity and he recommended finding a therapist who is specialized in gender stuff as well, because he thinks that it’s an important question when and why Ginny developed. He thinks Ginny must have developed during my childhood, even though I don’t recall it. Well, a lot of more work to do.

Next thing is an appointment with a doctor specialized in hormones. Before I can get blockers or estrogene, they have to make sure I’m genetically male as well. Both psychiatrist said that they don’t doubt it, but that’s how they do it here in Germany. Moreover, they have to make sure that everything’s alright with me, before they can give me hormones. During the process it might be that I have to increase my daily dose of antidepressants or change the substance again, because usually estrogene creates depressions. That sucks hard time, but we’ll see.

Ironically at the moment I enjoy both, being outside as Ginny and with my usual Blaubeermann self as well. Getting so much unexpected support just does me good. In the moment I have the feeling that my therapist might not be the ideal person to work with for me. He’s good in what he does, but I don’t feel like he’s supporting me in this gender thing. At the moment I’m trying to find someone else to work with as well (or instead).

With having now these two expertises that say I’m trans it would be possible in Germany to change my name and social status. That’s weird! And that’s a thing I certainly don’t want to do.

What else? To be honest, I enjoy my sexuality even more at the moment. John supports me with face slaps whenever, cute rape play and severe pain, which keeps me horny forever, because I’m still in the device. No cummies for me.


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