What I’m Here For

Yesterday John and Leo spent some time outside the house while I was working and then doing my chores in and about the house. Recently John thought about having the livingroom made over to get us more space for books and stuff, which I would love. When they returned, we had a belated lunch and talked. John told Leo incidentially about my lame attempt to fuck my sex doll Ugly and they both had a good laugh about me. I suddenly felt to sore and bad that I needed to leave the room. I tried to centre, but when I came back, they were still making fun of me, and I could not help but cry. I guess that’s one thing I really hate about allowing Giny more space inside of me and my life. I have a deeper conection to my feelings now and cry an awful lot more.

They let me cry for a moment, then John told me to tell him straight away what the matter was. I answered that I feel awful for not being able to hump that doll and that I feel worthless and ravenous and have trouble with being kept chaste and denied and all that stuff. He and Leo listened to me and watched me cry even more. To say all these things aloud was somehow alright, but on the other hand it just hurt. After my first outburst was over, John just asked me one single question: “What are you here for?”. Without even thinking about it, I answered “for your pleasure, Sir.” I hadn’t expect his slap in the face. “What are you here for?”, he repeated, and I, totally confused, said again “for your pleasure, Sir”, and added “to take care for you and your needs, and to-” BAM! Another slap, harder.

I started crying again, looking puzzled at Leo, who didn’t do anything but watch me as if he knew something I didn’t. “Let me ask again: what-are-you-here-for?”. I tried another answer: “for nothing special, Sir. I’m just a dumb whore, just-” BAM! I couldn’t help but sob “what is wrong?”, but again he slapped me, several times. “What is wrong with YOU?”, he said loud and clear. “I don’t know, Sir…um…”. More slaps, with increasing power. My head hurt, I cried my eyes out, even though I know he hates dramas above all. “What are you here for?” I didn’t know what to say, so I tried the last thing I knew: “for nothing at all, I don’t matter, I’m just tash, just-”

BAM! BAM! The pain and the humiliation made me go on my knees, but he grabbed my hair and picked me up again. I could feel my cocklette throbbing inside its cage and could only think how well he smelled and how sexy and turning on I found his looks, the hits and the whole situation. He brought my face close to his, so close that I could see myself in his beautiful eyes. Very quietly he asked again: “What are you here for?” I just shook my head. I had said all I could think of and my lust was increasing, being so near to him. “Okay. You don’t know, then I tell you”. He untightened his grip on my hair, but still held me close and looked me deep into the eyes, as if to leave no doubt about how serious he was. “You are here because I want you to be here. Because you matter to me. I love you, stupid, and it’s your damn duty to tell me if you can’t bear what I choose for you”. I was speechless and he smiled, letting go of my hair and pulling me inside his arms. “You matter to me. I need to know when things are too much for you, hun.”

Well, I know he hates drama, but these few polite words just gave me the rest. I cried even more and now Leo came over and cuddled me as well. After a while, when I had calmed down a bit and promised to take better care for myself, John asked me “did you want to get hard?” I said yes, and finally, after all these weeks, he made me lower my pants, opened the Birdlock and made me wank just there where I was, in front of them. It was hard to cum anyway, but it was so good. I loved being stripped naked, soul-wise and all, being loved and humiliated at the same time. Today, I feel high and free, even though I voluntarily locked my clit in again.

I know in the past weeks or even months I didn’t take good care for me. I ignored my borders because I thought I needed to be his cum trashbin only, and I forgot about why we both are here. Just because we love each other. My devotion is meant to be deep and real, but he can only be the best Master I could ever dream of if I manage to be a responsible sub. Lesson learned. Thank you, Master. Love you so.

Chastity Chit Chat

I’m still in chastity as I still wasn’t able to cum when humping Ugly. On the last weekend John added another minute to make it somehow easier for me, but when I couldn’t do it, he looked at me that sad and disgusted way to creeps under my skin. The problem is that I’m way beyond horny and somehow feel like I’d have to explode. I feel aggressive and moody and sometimes I rub my caged cocklette, but that makes it even worse. It’s those feelings that are the most difficult to bear, because one part of me feels like quitting it all and asking John to please free my dick and never lock me in again.

I try to distract myself from the permanent thought of cumming, sex and that stuff by keeping me busy. I run a lot these days and I’m still working more hours. I meet with friends and go to my Yoga class, work in the garden and try to be a good fucktoy for Master, which momentarily means only BJs because he refuses to fuck me.

On the next weekend Leo will be with us, and he will stay some days. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Right after Leo will be gone, John will be off for some days golfing in Mallorca and at the end of the month the two of us will travel to England for a week. It’s just a little downtime as Love had much work lately. In November, we’ll be travelling to Thailand and I’m nervous about that. You know, they’ve got the most beautiful ladyboys there and John already annouced that if he likes them better than me he will only fuck them there, not me. I guess it’s not hard being more beautiful than me.

All in all I feel a little depressed right now, especially as the weather is so nice and I’d love to have sex outside.

Ugly The Third

It’s been three weeks of strict chastity now and I’ve been allowed again to hump Ugly. Before I was allowed to start, John applied numbing creme again, and when it had kicked it, he watched the clock while I did my best to get hard, keep hard, hump Ugly and cum.

I’m so frustrated, but again I didn’t make it! I’m mad!

John on the other hand seems well entertained, and he humiliates me for my violet balls and my severe horniness. Dang.

Ugly The Second

Tonight John gave me the opportunity to have sex with Ugly again, after I had been kept chaste the whole week. He had thought that this might help, but having the same set up as last week, I just didn’t make it. I guess the numbing creme is too numbing for me, because I really don’t feel anything and you know, cumming by imagines alone without being able to feel isn’t possible at the moment.

So? Back into chastity again and next Saturday I may be allowed to try it again.

At the moment I’m sort of depressed and feel down. I’m unbelievably horny all through the week, but I simply can’t make it. You know, I haven’t had active sex for a very long time and that alone is difficult for me. And although I love humiliation, humping a doll is somehow hurting my feelings. I know Sir will laugh at me for these thoughts, but that’s just it.

I Fucked Ugly

Yesterday was my big day. After I had taken care for Ugly for a week, Master announced  I would be allowed to hump Ugly in the evening. But he added that beforehand I’d get a special treatment.

So, in the evening he released me from the Birdlock and told me to get romantic with Ugly in our wedding bed. To be honest, after a week of pretending I’m in love with an ugly fuckdoll it was not really weird any more. I kissed and cuddles Ugly the best I could and I got a stiffy immediately. Master said that was pathetic, but the humiliation during the past week didn’t leave me uneffected, right?

Finally John came over and rubbed numbing creme onto my cocklette. It takes a few minutes to numb it really, but it kicked in right away. For some reason it turns me on if he takes care of me with rubbing creme onto me or cleaning my ass with a tissue after he fucked me. It’s so humiliating and delicate at the same time…

He told me to go on with Ugly, lick her cunt so that she would get wet. He took care of that with some lube, telling me that obviously I was a good cuntlicker because Ugly got excited. Then he told me to fuck her. “Use that pathetic sissy prick on your toy”. I did. I was so aroused, but when I entered Ugly, I got mad. I didn’t feel much. I could feel my balls banging against her, but even if my clitty was hard, I could not really feel anything.

“You got 60 seconds to make yourself cum. If you don’t accomplish, it’s another week of chastity”, he announced, and I did my best banging Ugly like a desperate monkey while ignoring John standing right beside me and looking at his watch.

I didn’t make it. Not at all. Not even when he allowed me some more time, to take pictures of me. When he locked me back in, I was only frustrated. That was it. Later he fucked me and told me how pathetic and embarrassing I was. Now I am to take care for Ugly another week and I’m so horny. It’s nice that a plastic fuckdoll gets more pleasure than I do. In case you didn’t notice: I’m a worthless cunt and do as my Master says. Just like he said: I triple my worth with a load of his cum inside my ass.

Thank you, Honey.

My Friend Ugly

It’s been a long time since I last acutually used my cock to fuck anyone. My last real attempts to be the active part must have taken place a long time before I even met John, and I don’t really recall it. It’s just not my piece of cake, like, wanking is alright, but actually fucking someone feels weird and not O.K. for a slut like me. You know, I’m the one to get fucked and used, not vice versa 🙂

I’ve been locked in the Bordlock for a while now and when John told me that on the weekend I was to get some relief, I was nervous and ravenous as well. On Saturday evening he brought me a small packet that contained a blow-up-doll, you know, a really ugly and cheap one which didn’t even have a wig. He told me to blow it up. It is about 1,50 m and has scratchy seams. It’s just really cheap.

He then told me that her name is Ugly and that he bought her as a friend for myself. “So you are Ugly and Useless now. Wow, you’re great together”. He said that in the next ten days my job would be to take care for Ugly, smooching wnd kissing with her and if I was really nice towards her, I might get to fuck her.

So I am nice towards her. I take her under the shower with me and wash her. I let her sleep in my bed, even if Ugly’s scratchy seams hurt me. I stroke her titties and lick her cunt and ass. John loves to watch me pleasing Ugly and it arouses me beyond words to use my energy to please that doll while my husband won’t let me give him BJs and doesn’t even kiss me. He watches me with disgust, just like you would watch a dog humping a pillow. And that’s so hot.

John promised to let me fuck Ugly next weekend, if I maintain my good behaviour. It’s a fact that I’m not sure whether I want to fuck Ugly, but I like the thought of being denied and having to fuck a doll in order to get a little pleasure. Just like a dumb dog. Woof!

Yummy

Sometimes Master likes to make me do disgusting things. Why? Just because he can and for his amusement, and to remind me of my status as a dumb fucktoy. At these occasions he steps over my boundaries. For example he tells me to get dirty and besmear myself with what’s left in our bin after it got emptied, because he knows I have difficulties with dirt and rather shower four times a day than skip it one day. He makes me eat without using my hands or makes me eat things I despise, just to make me throw up and feel disgusting.

Getting dirty and having to do disgusting things is a special turn on for me when I’m dressed up like a nice, pretty gurl with clean clothes, make up and so on. Looking lovely and being treated like sh*t is just amazing, though of course I love looking slutty and being treated that way, too 🙂 At these special times I’m denied to use a safeword. I merely do anyway, because I think a safeword just means you don’t trust your Dom and a sub should be up to please his Master. But just knowing no safeword will help me, is a big turn on as well. It takes surrendering oneself to a whole new level.

Today we met right after he had finished work and went shopping. He needed some shirts and trousers, and I wanted to see if I could find something for my male and something for my female needs, and I did. Afterwards, John invited me to dinner. As a starter, we ordered salad, but in his there were some bites he obviously didn’t like to eat. Instead of leaving them, he discreetely threw them on the floor. I was shocked! That’s nothing he had ever done before, but when he saw my bewildered face, he just chuckled and told me to shut up and eat. I did. And while I finished my salad, he threw even more on the floor.

When the entree was served, he did just the same. You know, I don’t eat meat, but he added potatoes, veggies and even a sprinkle of his sauce to the salad that was already on the floor. Because John gets upset by misbehaving very quickly, I was just wondering why he did that, but I did as he told me and just ate my dinner. I guess he wouldn’t have been able to do this at any location, but that restaurant is quite dim and as they had really a lot to do, nobody paid attention. And they had tablecloths as well.

When we were finished, he ordered dessert and coffee and bits of that and some teaspoons of coffee landed on the floor as well, and the more he had dropped, the more courage he had to drop even more. At some point, he leaned back, smiled at me and told me to get under the table and finish my dinner. I guess I must have looked stupid, because he chuckled and told me I looked stupid as fuck. “Now do what you’re told. And don’t use hands. Lick it off the floor”. Well, it might sound easy to get down on the knees, but in fact it wasn’t. I was afraid somebody would notice and I felt disgust and anger. Just like he had wanted me to. It took me some time to get over what he demanded as well, and finally I managed to get down there. It was a mess, and I felt at the verge of tears. I honestly didn’t want to do it, but obviously he knew and kicked me softly in the side. Alright then.

To be honest, the salad wasn’t that bad. When I tried not to think about what people who sat there before might have stepped into, it was O.K. The cold potatoes were okayish, but I guess Master thought I was doing too well and stepped on some veggies and smeared them all over the floor. I really had to lick them off the floor, mixed up with cold coffee and all the strange crumbs and pieces down there, like small particles of dust or whatever. It was gross. When I thought I was finished, he kicked me again to tell me I should lick his sole clean as well. I did. When I had made it up to the seat again, I wanted nothing more but a good sip of my cola, but he denied it. “I think you should savour the taste”, he grinned.

Ater we had returned home, he told me to stand straight in our kitchen, with a soap bar in my dirty mouth. I endured perhaps 10 minutes, then I was so sick I felt like vomiting. He laughed and then fucked me hard and painful, cumming all over my face. “Like it up, cunt”, was all he said, and I did. Dessert, right?

I’m just a dumb fucktoy and do as my Master tells me. I’m pathetic and deserve to be fed trash. Thank you, Sir.